Rememberance
by poseysharman
Summary: After an almost fatal accident, Spencer is unable to remember the time she's spent with Toby and the love she feels for him. Will his love prevail and bring back her memory, or will Toby have to face the possibility that he's lost her forever? Spoby.
1. The Accident

**A/N: I want to thank all the lovely people on Tumblr that first sent me a prompt based on this idea, and then encouraged me to write it as a full fledged fic of this. So thank you guys 'cause without you guys, this wouldn't even exist! **

**Reviews**** and feedback is always welcomed!**

* * *

** Ch. 1 - The Accident**

As soon as Spencer walked through her bedroom door, she tossed her bag onto the red chair near the window before immediately crashing down onto her bed. She let out a groan mixed between exhaustion and relief to finally be home as her hands flew up to her forehead. Nobody was home, and Spencer was glad to have the peace and quiet to herself for a bit. Between two tests, French tutoring directly after school and accompanying Aria and Hanna Emily's swim meet, Spencer was worn out. Her day had been long, and particularly extra stressful with her day beginning with an argument with Melissa, that led to a full blown fight with her father. To top it all off, Spencer had another test tomorrow, along with two essays due.

Her stress level really wasn't dropping anytime soon.

Spencer let out a loud aggravated groan when she hears her phone ringing from her bag. She's tempted to ignore it, to let it go to voicemail so she could continue to enjoy the slim amount of time she has to herself, but at the last minute, decided to get up to answer it, praying for the person on the other line that it's an emergency so she doesn't snap on them for picking a terrible time to call in.

With one glance at the name calling in, however, all of Spencer's annoyance was washed away and replaced with a happier feeling. "Hey you," she said, answering her phone, a smile spreading across her lips.

"Hey yourself," said Toby into the phone. "What are you up to?"

"Just getting home from school."

"Just getting home? Spence, it's almost six," said Toby with a laugh.

Spencer sighed. "Trust me; I know what time it is. Emily had a swim meet today, and Aria, Hanna and I agreed to go for some moral support. Emily helped bring the win home for Rosewood, though, so that was good," she said, stifling a yawn.

"You sound exhausted," mused Toby.

"You don't know the half of it." Spencer heard the door opening downstairs, followed by footsteps. She was unable to suppress a groan. "And it looks like my time enjoying my empty, quiet house without my family is gone."

"Uh oh. I'm sensing some tension in the Hastings household."

Spencer moved her bag to collapse down onto her chair. "You don't know the half of it. I got into a fight with Melissa this morning, which led to one with my father because of course he takes her side over mine. And now I'm sure one with my mother is coming soon, since she always takes his side. Just a typical day in the Hastings household."

"You know, you could always come here to escape them," pointed out Toby. "Get away to unwind and relax. I gave you a key to my place last week for a reason."

Spencer closed her eyes, memories from last week flooding into her mind. They were sitting on Toby's couch after just finishing Chinese food, their favorite takeout food, when Toby presented her with a thin, rectangular red box. Inside of it was a key to Toby's place. "Just in case you ever need a place to hide out or get away when I'm not around," Toby said casually, trying to downplay the importance of the gift he was giving her. Spencer responded by pulling him in for a long, passionate kiss, showing him exactly how much a gift like that meant to her.

Spencer touched the chain around her neck that held the key to Toby's place ("The chain hangs down low enough that the key rests perfectly over my heart," Spencer told Toby the day she decided to put it on a necklace), a soft smile touching her lips. "I guess I should make use of that key already, huh?" Spencer heard Toby laugh. "Are you home from work?"

"Not yet. I'm actually leaving now, so I should be home in about twenty minutes."

"Maybe there'll be a surprise waiting for you when you get home then," replied Spencer.

"A surprise, huh? And does that surprise come in the form an incredibly beautiful, tall brunette?" Spencer could hear the smirk in Toby's voice.

"Maybe…" said Spencer, trailing off.

"Maybe I'll hurry up and get home then."

"Maybe you should," said Spencer before hanging up. She stood up and headed towards her bathroom, her mood lifting with thoughts of her boyfriend heavy on her mind.

Xx

Fifteen minutes later, with new makeup freshly done and her hair styled to her pleasing, Spencer was ready to leave for Toby's. She grabbed her purse from her room, and after a second thought, knowing she'd most likely be at Toby's late, grabbed her bag and laptop too, hoping to finish her essay at his place (even if that did seem unlikely), before heading down the stairs.

She found her mom in their kitchen fixing a salad when she came down. "Bye mom," Spencer mumbled, moving past her to head out the door.

"Wait!" her mom called, and Spencer regrettably stopped. "And where are you going?"

"Out," said Spencer simply.

"Out where?"

Spencer gave her mom a look. Her parents use to never care where she went, so long as she wasn't out all night, and didn't come home drunk. "To Toby's," she said slowly, knowing that part of the reason her parents were less trusting of her, besides everything that happened with Mona, was because of her relationship with Toby.

"You know your father doesn't like you going over there," pointed out Veronica Hastings, her hands moving to her hips.

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Of course he doesn't, because he doesn't approve of anything I do."

Veronica rolled her eyes, matching the look on her daughter's face. When the duo argued, it was hard to deny that they were related. "Stop trying to make your father out like he's the bad guy. He's just looking out for you."

"If he was looking out for me, he'd actually stop and listen to me and take my side once and a while."

"Is he looking out for you when he doesn't like you going to Toby's unsupervised."

Spencer rolled her eyes again. "No, that's him trying to keep me from seeing Toby."

"Well now you're just being dramatic," said Mrs. Hastings. "It has nothing to do with your relationship with Toby."

"Uh, in case you haven't noticed, mom, but it does. Face it, dad hates Toby for no apparent reason. You both do!"

Veronica threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "Now you're being ridiculous. Stop acting so immature, Spencer."

Spencer ran a hand through her hair, knowing that there was no possible way to win this argument. "Whatever, I'm going out."

"No you're not, not to Toby's. You father doesn't like you there, and that's final."

"I guess I really don't care, do I?" said Spencer angrily, storming out of her house before her mom could stop her. Ignoring her mom calling her name, she ran to her car, looking to avoiding getting completely soaked from the pouring rain, slamming the door to it as she got in. She pulled out of her driveway and started down the road, speeding well over the speed limit.

A few minutes into her drive, Spencer felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She reached to pull it out, relieved to see it was Toby calling, rather than her parents. "Hi, I'm on my way," she said, answering it.

"I got home to find no surprise waiting for me," pouted Toby into the phone. "I was starting to think you forgot about me."

"I know, I know. Sorry, I'm running late, but don't worry I didn't forget about you."

"You okay?" asked Toby. "You sound even more worked up than when I last talked to you." Toby heard Spencer sigh into the phone. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing. It's just my parents as usual," said Spencer in frustration. "Do you know that now my father doesn't _approve_ of me going to your place?"

"What? Why?"

"Because going to your place means spending time with you, of course," said Spencer, the anger seeping through her words. She let out a bitter laugh. "I wonder what he'd say if he found out I have a key to your place."

"Spencer," warned Toby. "I know what you're thinking. Don't tell your parents you have a key to my place just to piss them off. I don't want to go to completely not seeing you."

"They can't keep me from seeing you, so don't worry. I wouldn't give you up just for them."

"Still," said Toby, his calming voice the polar opposite to Spencer's angry one. "Don't say anything that you know is going to start another fight with them. It's not worth all the stress."

Spencer sighed. "I know, I know. It's just-"

"Just nothing. Forget about them for now, and get your pretty little butt over here to see me instead."

Spencer couldn't help but to smile, her sour mood slowly fading away. "I'm coming as fast as I can," Spencer said, noting how she was doing almost twenty miles over the speed limit. "I love you."

"I love you too," replied Toby. Spencer heard him utter something else to her, something about being careful, when a deer ran out in front of Spencer's car. The rain was coming down worse, and Spencer noticed the deer a little too late.

She screamed on instinct, panicking as her foot slammed on the break, while she swerved to avoid hitting the deer. She dropped her phone, as Toby screamed her name into the phone, in order to grip her steering wheel with both hands. Her car slid on the wet road, and rushed to spin her steering wheel in the other direction. Instead of coming to a stop, however, Spencer's car slid even more before tipping over. It did two complete rolls, Spencer's head smashing off the driver's side door's window glass, before it stopped moving, the car totaled in the middle of the street.

Spencer could see blood trickling down from her head, her eye sight fading as her eyes fought to close. Everything around her seemed hazy, and Spencer could only note the muffled sounds of Toby's voice calling her name from her phone. "Toby," she attempted to call back before drifting off completely into unconsciousness.


	2. The Aftermath

**_Wow, honestly guys, I didn't expect this much of a response to this story! Seriously, between all the reviews, follows, favorites, and the messages on Tumblr, I am honestly overwhelmed with awe. It's because of you guys that I pushed through how sick I currently am to bring you guys this next chapter!_**

_**Keep reviewing and giving feedback, and you can bet I'll be inspired to keep this speed up when it comes to posting! xo**_

* * *

**Chapter 2 - The Aftermath**

_"What's this?" Spencer asked softly as a rectangular box is handed to her_

_"Open it, and you tell me," a voice speaks. Spencer can't make out the face or who is speaking, but she can't deny the feeling of happiness and love that surrounds them._

_Trusting the mysterious voice, Spencer opened the box to reveal a silver key. She looked up at the hazy person sitting beside her, a surprised, yet soft smile spreading across her lips. "Is this what I think it is?" she heard herself say._

_"If what you're thinking is that it's a key to my place, then…yes, it is."_

_"Oh Toby," she said, throwing her arms around the person. The blurriness faded away as Spencer leaned in to crush her lips against his._

_She was kissing Toby Cavanaugh._

Spencer's eyes shot open, her body jolting forward, pulling herself from her dream. She tried to wrap her brain around her dream, but as she wakes, she can feel it fading from her memory. Her head is throbbing, and her body aches from head to toe, and it doesn't take long for Spencer to lose any grasp she had on her dream. Sitting up, she looked up at the ceiling above her, not recognizing where she was, which only further confuses and terrifies her. She noticed the type of blankets placed on her, and can sense she was wearing a gown of some sorts, and Spencer can guess she's currently in a hospital room for reasons unknown. She glanced around the unfamiliar room, hoping to find an answer to why she's here, when she discovered she's not alone.

Sitting by her bedside was Toby sleeping soundlessly. Spencer let out a horsed scream, almost falling out of her bed. Toby instantly woke at the sound of her scream, his eyes alert. "What? What is it?" he asked right away, his forehead creased with worry. "Oh my God, Spencer!" he said a moment after, realizing that her scream meant she was awake, as he frantically rushes to his feet.

Spencer doesn't answer him; she can't. Her eyes scan the room, her face terrified, as she looked around for any explication to why she was here, why Toby was here, and why they were here together alone.

"Spencer," Toby murmured his eyes lighting up at the sight of an awake Spencer. He reached out to cup her face, to pull her close to him, relief that she was awake and alive, love as he can see her beautiful brown eyes open for the first time in far too long, washing over him, as he's ready to kiss every inch of her face, telling her to never worry him like that again, when he noticed as she recoiled from his touch. "Spence?" he said, confused. "Is everything okay?" he asked, his face creasing with worry once more.

"What's-what's going on?" She finally says. "Why am I here? Why are _you_here?"

"Spence," he said softly, moving closer towards her. Spencer's body shifts away from him on instinct, and though it's a small shift, Toby still notices it. "Spencer…you were in a car accident," he said slowly.

"I was _what_?" asked Spencer, sitting up straighter.

"A couple a days ago, yeah," he finished. "You've been in a coma for three days."

"I've been in _what_!" exclaims Spencer, her eyes wide.

"Spencer," Toby said slowly, "Do you remember being in the accident?"

"No, I have no clue what you're even talking about!" said Spencer frantically. "Where are my Friends? Parents? Melissa?"

"Your family stepped out to grab some breakfast, and your friends are in school. They'll be over after, like they have been everyday for the past three days."

"And you? Why are you here?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" asked Toby, confused. Toby watched as Spencer's eyes lowered at his response, her face forming into something different from her confused look a moment earlier. Toby had seen the look she was giving him before; She's given it to him before, back before they were dating, back when she didn't trust him. "Spencer…" he started, trailing off.

"Why are you in my hospital room?" Spencer repeated, her voice attempting to sound deadly, though Toby can sense the fear and confusion underneath it. She stared at Toby for moment, reading his face. "Why are you acting like you care for my wellbeing?" she whispered a moment later, her voice trembling.

"Because I do," said Toby, as if it was obvious. "Because I care more about you than anything else."

"Why?"

_Why?_ Toby thought to himself. He stared at her for a moment, his stomach dropping as he refused to accept what his mind was already putting together. "Because I love you," he said slowly.

"_You what_?" screamed Spencer, her eyes wide.

"Spencer," he said, hoping to calm the frantic look on her face. "Spencer, I'm your boyfriend. I love you, and you love me. We've been together for a while now…" he said, trailing off.

"You're-we-_what?_ No, that's impossible. What are you talking about?" Toby murmured her name, reaching out to grab her hand, and Spencer frantically moved as far away from him as her bed allowed her to. "No, don't touch me!" she screamed, the terror in her voice rising, as her parents entered the room.

"Spencer!" her mother exclaims as her and Mr. Hastings rushed to her bed side. "Oh, sweetie, you're awake!" She leaned down, throwing her arms around a confused Spencer.

"Thank God you're okay," said her father, reaching out to grab her hand. "When your mother and I heard you were in an accident…" her father stopped talking, unable to continue his sentence. "How are you feeling?" he asked a moment later, squeezing her hand.

"Why is he here?" Spencer asked, ignoring her father's question. "Why is Toby Cavanaugh here in my room? Why did you leave him in here with me alone!" Spencer's voice is anxious, almost hysterical, as her mind is unable to make sense of what's happening around her.

"Sweetie," said Mrs. Hastings softly. "Toby's your boyfriend. He hasn't left your side in days."

_Boyfriend._ Spencer couldn't wrap her head around the idea of people thinking Toby and her were dating. There was no way. Spencer was single….mostly single. She was seeing Wren time from time, sure, but not Toby. "What are you talking about?" Spencer said out loud, her eyes darting back and forth between her parents. "Toby's not my boyfriend? Why would you even think that? Did he tell you that lie himself?" she dared to look at Toby, whose face looked crushed. "Why would I _date_ Ali's killer?"

"Oh no," said her mother, her face creasing with worry. "Oh no. The doctor said something like this could happen when she woke."

"What?" said Spencer and Toby in unison.

"Spence," said her father slowly, hesitating. "You were in an accident. Do you remember that?" Spencer shook her head, and her father closed his eyes, realizing the worse.

"The doctor said Spencer may suffer from short term memory loss due to how severe the accident was," explained Mrs. Hastings. "He said she could block out the accident, and even time before then too as a way to cope with what happened."

"Short term memory loss?" repeated Toby. "So there's part of her memory that's she's just plain blocked out?"

"Can we not talk about me like I'm not here?" asked Spencer, mildly annoyed. Her father asked her what the last thing she remembered was, and Spencer thought for a moment. "I was agonizing over my Russian history paper that's due in a few days," she said slowly. "Homecoming is in a few weeks, and-" she stopped for a moment, looking over at Toby. "And Toby was under suspicion for Ali's murder," she finished, her voice trembling, despite how hard she tried to sound brave. _And I had just met Wren in Philadelphia, all while fearing that the Jenna Thing was going to get out,_ Spencer thought to herself, knowing better than to say that out loud.

Toby closed his eyes. Suddenly, the room seemed to be spinning. Spencer didn't remember anything since then? The last year she spent with him? "Spencer," he said, though he doesn't dare to move towards her again. "Spencer, listen to me, a lot has happened since then. Over a year has passed since then. I didn't kill Ali; you know that! We're dating, we fell in love."

Spencer shook her head, unable to accept what he was saying. "Please, just get out," she said to Toby, on the verge of tears. There was over a year of her memory missing? How was that possible? She was Spencer Hastings; she doesn't simply block out a year of her memory to cope with a tragedy. That was crazy…right? And her and Toby? That seemed even less likely to her. None of it made sense.

"I think you should go, Toby," said Mr. Hastings softly.

"No, Spencer, listen to me please," said Toby frantically. "Please, just listen to me for a minute! I love you. Do you understand that? I love you. More than anything do I love you. And you love me! We're in love!" he yelled in a rush as Mr. Hastings gently but firmly pushed him towards the door. "You have to remember, please, just remember!" Toby took one finally look at Spencer before allowing Mr. Hastings to push him out the door. She was crying now, her face in her hands, her body trembling.

"I'm sorry," said Mr. Hastings. "It'd be better if you didn't come visit Spencer anymore while she's in the hospital. It's too upsetting for her right now. We both know she won't handle the memory loss well."

"But-" started Toby, as Mr. Hastings gave him one more sympathetic look as he closed the door to Spencer's hospital room. Toby stood outside the hospital room, unable to move. He felt his heart shattering into pieces at the thought that Spencer didn't remember the time they've spent together, the love she felt for him, the love he felt for her.

* * *

**So what'd you guys think? In case anybody's confused, Spencer's memory is around 1x04/1x05. It's before she meets Alex, and around after Melissa found out about her and Wren kissing :).**


	3. Filling in the Blanks

**A/N: Ahh, I know it's been a few days! I apologize, I started this chapter, went on vacation and completely forgot I never published it for you guys! Anyways, it's here now, and I'm happy I pushed through my over exhusted state to publish this tonight (aka early morning)**

**I just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed last chapter. Seriously, it's you guys that inspire me to keep on writing! :)**

* * *

**Chapter Three - Filling In The Blanks**

_A year,_ Spencer thought numbly to herself. _One full year is missing from my memory. There is a year of my life that I can't remember; a year that has just vanished from my memory._

Spencer felt tears gather at the brim of her eyes. She couldn't wrap the fact that there was a long period of time missing from her memory; a year of her life completely forgotten. Her parents tried to calm her down, tell her it was okay that her mind was blocking out her memories, the doctor assured her everything was going to be alright, that there was a chance her memory would come back over time, but neither made Spencer feel any better. Being unable to remember made her defenseless, scared; two things Spencer couldn't afford to feel.

Her parents tried to fill her in on what's been happening to their best ability; that Mona Vanderwall was in a mental facility for sending Spencer and her friends anonymous, threatening texts, that Maya St. Germain was murdered, and Garrett Reynolds was arrested for hers and Ali's murder, only to be released (with Mrs. Hastings defending him), and other information that seemed to only further confuse Spencer.

But the one thing Spencer couldn't wrap her head around was Toby. Her mother hesitantly told her that Toby had been cleared of all charges and suspicions that he had anything to do with Ali's murder, and that in fact, Spencer and Toby had been dating for most of the past year. No matter how many times Spencer tried to argue it, tried to explain to her mother how absurd that sounded, her mother's claims didn't alter once.

And that terrified Spencer.

A knock at the door pulled Spencer from her confusing thoughts. "Come in," she yelled distractedly.

The door opened slowly, and Aria popped her head in. "Spencer?" she said hesitantly, as if scared she'll walk into the room to find her friend still in a coma.

A smile slowly spread across Spencer's face. "Aria," she said softly.

Instantly, Aria broke out into a large smile of her own, tears already filling her eyes as she let out a shaky laugh. She pushed the door open further, revealing Hanna and Emily behind her. The three girls rushed into the room, and Aria's arms quickly wrapped around Spencer's slender body. Spencer hugged her back immediately as the other two girls surrounded him.

"Uh Aria," said Spencer, letting out a small laugh. "A little tight."

Aria laughed and gave her friend one more tight squeeze before pulling away. "Don't ever scare us like that again," warned Aria, smiling, despite the tears in her eyes. Hanna and Emily nodded in agreement, both of their eyes watery as well.

"How are you feeling?" Emily asked.

"Like I've been hit by a bus," joked Spencer darkly. "You should've seen all the pain medication they had me on earlier."

"What about…" Hanna started before hesitating. "How are you feeling about…"

"About learning that there's a year missing from my memory?" Spencer finished for her.

"Your mom told us," Aria said weakly.

"It's an awful feeling not being able to remember a part of your life," whispered Spencer, her eyes traveling anywhere but her friends' faces. "It just feels like everyone else now knows stuff about me that even I don't know and it makes me feel…vulnerable, you know?" Spencer stopped talking, taking a deep breath in order to steady her voice. She felt her bed shift and looked up to find Aria sitting on the edge of it, offering her friend a sympathetic look. Emily and Hanna had both taken seats on each side of her bed as well. "I need your guys' help," she said after a moment. "My parents tried filling me in on what I couldn't remember, but they obviously don't know everything." She shifted her eyes between her friends, and all three of them nodded.

"What have they told you?" asked Hanna.

"That Mona was A?" Spencer said, as if she doubted it. She watched her three friends nod, and Spencer had to refrain her jaw from dropping open. "_Mona?_"

"She needed mental help," said Emily quietly.

"Oh, Han," said Spencer sympathetically. "I'm sorry."

Hanna shrugged, though the pain was still clearly visible on her face. "We've…I've gone a couple times to talk to her, to try and make sense of it all."

"So does that mean A's torment is over?" Spencer asked. She watched as Aria, Hanna and Emily all shared a hesitant glance. "What? What is it?"

"Well…" started Hanna.

"There's more than one A," finished Aria for her. "We found out that A is actually a team of people."

That time Spencer's jaw did go slack. "There's more than one A out there? Are you kidding me?"

"Nope," said Emily. "Like we'd ever catch a break."

Spencer sighed as she rubbed her forehead with her hand. "Alright, so I'll add that to the list of things to be figured out as well."

"What else did your parents tell you?" asked Aria.

Spencer hesitated. "That…that, um…"

"They told you about Maya, didn't they?" Emily asked quietly.

"I'm sorry, Em," replied Spencer, reaching out to squeeze her friend's hand. Emily nodded, as if she was already used to all the condolences she'd received in the past month, but squeezed Spencer's hand tightly nonetheless.

"They also told me that Garrett was arrested for hers and Ali's murder," continued Spencer, looking to change the subject so to not cause her friend anymore grief. "But then he was released, and my mom's defending him?"

Aria nodded. "You and Jason weren't too happy about that, but we've concluded it's unlikely he killed them, too."

"Wait, hold on," said Spencer, holding up her hand to stop Aria. "How do we know Jason wasn't happy about this?"

"Well he went searching with you to find more evidence that could connect Garrett to the murders, and was pretty upset when all the evidence did was get him off. He even left Rosewood for a while, but he came back when he heard what happened to you."

"Since when is Jason and I friends?" asked Spencer, with a small scoff.

"They didn't tell you?" Emily asked, confused.

"Of course they didn't," said Aria with a small eye roll. "Mr. Hastings and Jason still aren't on good terms."

"Tell me what?" Spencer asked.

"Spence," said Hanna slowly. "Jason's your half-brother."

"He's my _what_!?" said Spencer, sitting up straighter in her bed, surprised. "Since when!?"

"You found out sometime earlier last year that your father had an affair with Jason's mother, and she got pregnant with Jason," said Hanna, not beating around the bush. "You found out that Ali already knew, and that's why your dad and Jason seem to resent each other."

"Oh my God," said Spencer, bringing her hand up to her forehead. "Why doesn't this surprise me as much as it should?"

"I'm surprised he hasn't come to see you yet," said Aria. "I heard he was freaking out when he heard what happened to you."

Spencer gave her friend a look. "Melissa hasn't even come to see me since I woke this morning. I'm pretty sure my parents are monitoring my visitors carefully," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Has…has Toby stopped by to see you yet?" Emily asked after a moment, her voice hesitating.

Instantly, Spencer's head shot up to look at her. "That's another thing we need to explain to me. Why was Toby Cavanaugh in my room when I woke?" She watched as her friends shared another worried glance. "And why do people keep telling me he's my boyfriend?" she finished, her voice confused and annoyed.

"Spence," said Aria softly. "Toby _is_ your boyfriend."

Spencer shook her head. "No. No, that doesn't even make any sense! Why would I ever date Toby Cavanaugh? He's…he's a terrible guy. He is-was…we thought he killed Ali, didn't we?"

Emily nodded her head slightly. "We did, but Spence, the police and ourselves all concluded he didn't do it. Toby isn't the type of person to harm someone like that."

"And how did I get from accepting that he didn't murder our friend to _dating_ him?"

"He needed a French tutor and you volunteered. He even helped us-which was mostly helping you- spy on Jenna to get more information. You two just became close, and it sorta happened," said Aria, shrugging.

"That doesn't even make sense to me!" exclaimed Spencer. "I don't even like Toby. Why would I ever offer to tutor him?"

"You saw something in him you liked," said Emily softly. "Something you fell in loved with."

_Love_. There went people throwing that word around to describe how Toby and she felt about each other so easily. How could Spencer forget loving someone? It didn't make any sense to her. Spencer covered her face with her hands, the stress of exactly how much of what she's supposedly missed getting to her. "None of this makes sense," she mumbled into her hands, tears filling her eyes once again. She looked up at her friends, her face looking lost and hopeless. "How is it possible I don't remember any of this?"

Hanna reached out to grab a hold of Spencer's hand, giving it a small squeeze. "I'm sure you'll remember. Give yourself some time. It'll come back."

"Yeah? And what if it doesn't?" asked Spencer, the panic in her voice rising. "What if I can never remember everything that happened in that year?"

Her friends didn't reply; how could they? None of them were sure Spencer would get her memory back, and it scared all four of them.

They were all quiet for a few minutes as Spencer processed everything that was told to her. The whole situation seemed unreal, as if she was trapped in a dream-a nightmare. "It's getting late," murmured Spencer after a while. "You guys should probably get going."

"Our first concern is you," said Hanna. "We're in no rush out of here."

Spencer nodded. "I know, but I think I need to be alone for a little bit. Give myself sometime to process everything."

The three girls nodded, understanding Spencer's desire to want to be alone for a while. They stood up, each giving Spencer a hug.

"Call us if you need anything, or if you have any more questions, or if you just simply want our company, okay?" said Aria.

Spencer nodded. "You guys are only a phone call away, I know."

"And we'll be back tomorrow at the same time," said Hanna. "No ands, ifs or buts about it. Got it?"

Spencer smiled. "I got it," she replied. "I'll see you guys later. And on your way out, just tell my parents I want a little time to myself, okay? I'm sure they're still anxiously sitting outside my room."

The girls nodded as they walked out of the room, closing the door behind them to leave Spencer alone with her thoughts. As soon as they left, Spencer laid back down, allowing the tears that stung her eyes to fall over now that she was alone. She didn't want to show her friends and family just how scared she really was.

She rolled over on her side, and as she did so, her eyes caught sight of a necklace placed on the table beside her bed. Curious, Spencer picked it up to find a small silver key attached to the chain. She held the key in her hand, her fingers running over its rough edges. She didn't know what the key was for, where it came from, or even if the necklace was hers, but somehow, holding it in her hand brought Spencer a strange feeling of safety and warmth.

Her fingers ran across the key softly, her eyes locked onto it with curiosity as her mind slowly moving to rest with ease. After a few minutes, Spencer drifted off to sleep, the key still held tightly in her hand.

* * *

**So what did you guys think!? Also, I had a small question for you, my lovely readers: Ezria or Jaria? I'm debating who I want to pair Aria up with in this story because honestly, I just can't decide!**

**Anyways, please review!**


	4. Emotions

**A/N: **Blah, I know it's a little late, but uh, can we talk about Tuesday's finale and how it completely ruined my inspiration to write Spboy for a few days!? I've finally come to terms with the fact that Toby does, in fact, love Spence very much, and I'm going with that for my inspiration to keep on writing.

A huge thank you to everyone who's reviewed/favorited/followed this story & another big thank you to everyone on Tumblr who's constantly sending me messages to inspire me to keep on writing. Seriously, I want to hug every single one of you and never ever let go!

* * *

**_Chapter Four - Emotions_**

The next few days seemed to pass in a blur for Spencer. Her friends came to visit her every day, coming directly after school and staying until visiting hours were over. Her parents were constantly at her side, ready to meet any request she had, a very abnormal thing for them to do in Spencer's eyes. Even Melissa spent a few nights not leaving Spencer's bedside, ready to challenge her to a game of cards or one of their made up games from their childhood. She didn't spend a lot of time talking about her memory loss, or taking pity on Spencer, and she surely didn't let her sister win any rounds of poker just because she was in the hospital, something Spencer found oddly comforting. The last thing Spencer could remember relating to her sister was fighting her over Wren. She was happy that in the time that Spencer couldn't remember, her and Melissa seemed to have been able to move on from it.

It wasn't until Spencer was cleared to leave the hospital when a visitor she was curious to see finally came to visit her. She was pulling a sweatshirt over her head, her bag packed from her two weeks spent in the hospital, ready to go home, when she heard her hospital room door opening slowly. Spencer glanced up to find Jason standing in the door way, his eyes wide, his forehead ceased with worry.

It only took a mere few seconds for Jason to realize that Spencer was awake and mostly okay before relief washed over his face as he crossed the room in two easy strides, pulling Spencer in for a bone crushing hug when he reached her. Spencer didn't react as her mind tried to wrap around the fact that Ali's brother, her supposed brother, was hugging her. It was strange, yet Spencer couldn't deny the warmth and comforting feeling the hug brought to her, as if she could feel relief washing through someone that genuinely cared that she was alive and well.

Jason could feel the hesitation on Spencer's part and reluctantly pulled away. "Thank God you're okay," he murmured softly, momentarily allowing himself to take the fact that Spencer was okay; that another family member, another person he cared about, wasn't taken from him unexpectedly. His eye locked onto Spencer's, noticing the confusion in her eyes, and frowned. "You really," he said softly. "You don't-you don't remember we're…"

"That we're siblings?" Spencer finished for him, shaking her head. "I didn't, but my friends filled me in." Spencer took a seat on her bed, her face almost expressionless. After a week in the hospital, she had grown accustom to facing surprises like discovering she had a brother. When Spencer didn't speak again, Jason carefully took a seat on the bed next to her, resisting the urge to place an arm around her in comfort. "It really don't surprise me, you know," said Spencer quietly after a moment. "Us siblings? It makes a lot of sense when you look at our personalities."

Jason let out a soft laughter. "We're wired the same way," he replied, remembering what Spencer had said to him months before.

Those five words seemed to fill Spencer with a strange sense of Déjà vu, one of the many times she's felt it, but ignored it for the time being. "How is my-excuse me, _our_-father handling this?"

Jason rolled his eyes. "How do you think?"

Spencer nodded her head, understanding exactly what Jason meant. "It probably explains why my parents seemed to have left that little snippet of information out when they were trying to jog my memory."

"You know they wouldn't let me come see you," said Jason, nodding his head in confirmation when Spencer gave him a curious look. "Yeah, something about seeing me is only going to further worsen your condition. It's why I'm only just seeing you now. I had to sneak in here before they noticed. They're monitoring your visitors like hawks, you know."

Spencer rolled her eyes. "They're probably doing it so they can choose to not tell me about certain secrets without any complications. I'm sorry they made it so difficult to see me. If anything, it probably would have helped me more to see you," she said, looking over at him.

Jason carefully reached out to grab onto Spencer's hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "I was so worried about you when I heard what happened. Nobody would give me any information on what was going on with you; I honestly wasn't sure if I had lost another sister or not." Jason paused for a moment, closing his eyes. He didn't like the thought that there could have been a chance that Spencer would be sitting next to him, alive. "Your friends finally called me the day after you woke up to fill me in and help me find the perfect time to sneak in to see you."

Spencer laughed. "That sounds like them," she said smiling. As far as Spencer couldn't remember, she didn't exactly have the best relationship with Jason, herself weary and untrusting towards him, yet sitting on her hospital bed with him seemed to wash away those feelings and instead fill her with feelings of comfort. It was strange, but definitely not a bad thing.

Their time was interrupted a moment later by the sound of a soft knock at the door. They both looked up to see the door opening, and Spencer felt a smile instantly spread across her lips at the visitor, a familiar face. "Wren," she breathed.

"Spencer," he said softly to her, allowing himself to smile. "Welcome back to the real world."

Unable to stop herself, Spencer stood up and pulled Wren into a hug. His arms wrapped around her instantly, and Spencer found herself pleased that at least some things hadn't changed from what she last remembered. Wren was still happy to see her.

"I'm sorry, I would have stopped in earlier to see you," said Wren as they pulled away, "but with your parents constantly around and me constantly on shift with other patients, I haven't had time to."

In the back of her mind, Spencer felt herself wondering if Wren had cared for her as much as she last remembered why he wouldn't have made a better effort to see her, but instantly pushed the thought away, too pleased to see something familiar from her life standing in front of her.

" I'll leave you guys alone for now," mumbled Jason awkwardly, standing up and heading towards the door. "I'll stop by your house later to see you," he said to her, leaving after Spencer nodded her head in agreement. He left her room, pleased that her parents still weren't standing outside her room waiting for him to leave, but shocked when he found Toby in the hallway instead.

He was standing in the hall, his eyes focused completely on the small window in the door to Spencer's room. From the look on his face, the pain and anguish, and even a small amount of jealously flashing through his eyes, Jason could tell Toby had seen the way Spencer moved to hug Wren.

"Toby, hey," he said softly. He didn't understand Spencer's connection to Wren, other than it was her sister's ex-fiancé, but he knew her relationship with Toby meant the world to both of him. He could guess from the fact that Toby wasn't in Spencer's hospital room with her that she remembered her relationship with him even less than she remembered hers with Jason; he could only imagine the amount of pain that had to bring Toby. "How are you-"

"How is she?" Toby asked, interrupting Jason completely.

"I didn't get to see her for long, but she seems as well as you can expect someone who's lost part of their memory to be. She seems to be doing better, probably more accepting to what happened, from what Aria told me a few days ago."

"I have to see her," Toby said after a moment, ready to walk by Jason and into Spencer's room before Jason shot out his hand to stop him. Toby could even a muster up a glare when he looked at Jason; his face was too ridden with pain to be angry at Jason for stopping him.

"I…I don't know if that's the best idea," said Jason hesitantly.

"Her family's been saying that to me every day since she's woken up. I need to know how she's doing, Jason. I need to see her."

"I understand that; trust me I do," said Jason calmly. "And I don't know what her relationship with Wren is like, but from what I can see, at one point it was definitely more than friends, and I'm guessing that unlike us, he wasn't forgotten from her memory, so you going in there while someone from a relationship that Spencer can actually remember is in there, can't end well."

The look on Toby's face told Jason that he understood exactly what Jason meant, though he didn't want to admit it. Instead of moving to push by Jason again, Toby slumped down in a chair out in the hallway, the look on his face matching that of one on the edge of defeat. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do here," said Toby quietly. "I love her more than anyone else, and every part of my being wants to rush in there and make sure she's okay, kiss away any of the pain she's feeling and just _be there_ for her. But she doesn't remember us; doesn't remember anything she's felt for me other than blind hatred. And that's killing me, Jason. How can I be there for someone that doesn't remember that she wants me there?"

Jason took a seat next him. "You just don't give up," he said after a moment. "You hold onto the fact that deep down, she loves you just as much as you love her, and you hold onto the hope that she'll remember that in due time."

"Yeah? And what if she doesn't?" It was the first time Toby allowed himself to ask it out loud.

"You can't think like that," said Jason softly. "It'll only cause you more pain."

Toby didn't reply. He constantly swore to himself and Spencer that he'd protect her from anything, yet when it came down to it, Spencer ended up in the hospital because she was driving to see him. Toby couldn't help the guilt that he felt; the blame he placed on himself for Spencer's accident, and in a dark and twisted way, Toby saw the fact that Spencer didn't remember her relationship with him as a cruel punishment for causing what happened.

Toby stood up, swallowing the guilt he felt for the time being. "Can you just tell her I stopped by? That I just want to talk to her, even if it's only for a minute?"

Jason nodded. "I'll tell her when I see her later," he said softly to him.

"Thank you," replied Toby as Jason walked by him to leave. Before turning to leave behind Jason, Toby allowed himself one final glance into Spencer's room. She was embracing Wren once more, and as Toby looked into her room, her eyes locked onto his directly. Looking into the brown eyes he so easily fell in love with, the eyes that belonged to the girl he still loved, Toby felt the room around him disappear as he seemed to only see Spencer. He didn't have to say anything, didn't have to move towards her; the expression on his face was full of enough love that he didn't have to say it out loud. Staring at her, Toby could feel their memories they shared flashing through his brain in quick movements, and from a small glance, Toby knew instantly he wouldn't be able to give up on the hope that Spencer would remember anytime soon.

With one final glance, Toby finally looked away from Spencer, turning to walk down the hall, refusing to accept that he had lost Spencer just yet.

* * *

She could see him even through the small window in her door. Though every part in her body told her to scream, to demand that he leave, the tightening in her chest wouldn't allow her to look away from Toby Cavanaugh's emerald eyes.

Even in Wren's arms, Spencer could feel herself longing for something other than him, and though it scared her to admit it, though she was ready to deny it even to herself, she knew what she was longing for stood only a mere twenty feet from her.

She felt tears swell up in her eyes as she was unable to look away from Toby's irises. She could see the look he was giving her. The look wasn't malicious or even looking as if it hid a secret agenda, but rather like everything he had to say was written on the facial expression. It wasn't hard for Spencer to understand what his face was saying what his mouth wasn't: I love you.

It wasn't until he finally turned away that Spencer allowed herself to close her eyes, blinking away the tears in her eyes before they spilled over. She pulled away from Wren, giving him a small, fake smile before her eyes darted back to the hallway, her chest tightening once more as she found it empty again.

"Spencer?" she heard Wren ask, and her eyes reluctantly moved back to look at his face. "Are you okay?"

Spencer stared at Wren for a moment. The last thing she could remember was that she was seeing Wren. And she was happy with him.

So why was she longing to see Toby, even if only for a moment longer?

"I'm fine," she lied to him, giving him another fake smile as she attempted to bury the emotions that seeing Toby brought her.

* * *

**Review please! :)**


	5. Home Sweet Home

**A/N: **I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE! I've had an extremely hard month this October, and I'm finally now just getting back into the swing of things. I'm pleased with this chapter, though I am sorry for the lack of plot development in it. I think now with this chapter, I can finally start getting into the story, and explore different relationships and plot situation more, which hopefully, along with your guys' continuous reviews and support, will definitely drive me to update a lot quicker.

With that, I want to thank everyone's who's been reading and putting up with my slow updates. It's your guys' reviews and positive messages that not only first inspired this story, but drive me to continue with it!

* * *

**Chapter Five - Home Sweet Home**

It wasn't long after Wren left her room that Spencer was finished packing and in her car to head home. The car ride there was mostly silent; she was too exhausted to attempt to talk to her parents, and it seemed like her parents didn't know what to say that'd make the situation any better. They were quieter, more cautious around Spencer, afraid that they'd say something that could set her off. Spencer hated it. She wanted things to go back to the way they were the way she remembered it; fighting with her parents all while trying to receive their approval. They're quiet murmurs and avoiding gazes were only a reminder that things were different, that there was something different, wrong, with her.

"Spence?" Her mother's voice pulled Spencer out of her own thoughts. They were parked in their driveway now. "are you coming in?" she asked, her forehead ceased with worry. Spencer hated that look.

"Uh yeah," Spencer replied. "Just, um, give me a minute?" Her mother nodded before following her husband inside. Melissa, who was sitting beside Spencer in the car, gave her hand a small squeeze and Spencer a small, soft, sad smile. It was a strange, yet comforting action and Spencer couldn't help but to give her sister a small reassuring smile before Melissa got out of the car and followed her parents inside.

As soon as Spencer was alone, she released a deep breath that she didn't realize she was holding in. After two weeks spent in a hospital, it felt strange for her to be home.

In her hand she held the key she found on her bedside at the hospital. She still didn't understand its importance, or even what it unlocked, but she held it in her hand tightly. It seemed to be the only thing getting her through the accident.

"It's the first step in returning to normality," Spencer said firmly to herself out loud. She wasn't going to let the accident dictate her life. Taking one more deep breath, and squeezing onto the silver key tighter, Spencer opened her door and exited the car. Even after two weeks, she still felt stiff and sore. The bruises she received on her back from the accident still weren't fully healed, and despite the prescription drugs given to her by the hospital, Spencer still winced from the pain.

As Spencer exited the car, she couldn't help but to glance around at her surroundings. Her house looked the same on the outside. Ali's house next door looked mostly the same, minus the overbearing memorials (there were still some set outside the house on the corner, just not as large as Spencer remembered), and the absence of police and reporters.

Her eyes traveled to the house across the street, and couldn't help but to lock onto it. It was the Cavanaugh's. There was a car parked in the driveway, and Spencer could see a small light shining in the kitchen. She couldn't help but to glance up at window to Toby's room upstairs. The shades were drawn and the light off. She sighed a breath of relief to find that Toby wasn't there.

Slowly, Spencer made her way inside her house. Everything, like outside, looked mostly the same. There was a new couch in living room, and different plants on the tables, but still the same nonetheless.

"There you are," Mrs. Hastings, who was standing in the kitchen with her father, said softly. "Do you want anything to eat? To drink? I'm about to start dinner, and I'm sure the food at the hospital couldn't have tasted that well."

Spencer shook her head. "I'm not hungry," she said softly, her eyes still wandering around the room, looking anywhere but at her parents' faces holding a facade of happiness to cover their obvious concern for her.

"How are you feeling, honey?" her father asked her, and it took Spencer all she had to not wince. Her father hadn't called her honey since she was a small child. It was just another reminder that things were different.

"I'm okay," Spencer lied. "I'm feeling better than before."

"That's good," said her mother with a small, sad smile. "The doctor said your injuries should all be healed fully soon."

_All but one_, Spencer thought grimly to herself, but she didn't dare speak it out loud. Despite how they were acting, Spencer knew her accident had to as tough on them as it was her. She didn't need to remind them just how bad Spencer's situation was.

"Don't worry," her father interjected with an attempt at a smile. "Soon you'll be back on your feet and challenging your old man to a game of tennis."

Spencer attempted to return the smile to her father, but her attempts were weak. "Yeah, I bet, dad," she said softly. Her father opened his mouth to speak again before Spencer cut him off. "You know, I'm exhausted. I didn't get much sleep in the hospital, so I think I'm gonna go upstairs and lie down."

"Of course," said her mother with a nod of her head. "You need your rest. Go take a nap. I'll set some food aside for you to eat later in case you get hungry."

Spencer nodded before heading upstairs. She stood outside her bedroom for a moment, taking a deep breath before opening the door. The furniture in her room was the same, just rearranged differently. Her dresser was against the opposite wall, now closer to her door than before, and her red chair that once sat in the corner of her room was no facing her window. She glanced at her dresser, taking a look at herself in the mirror above it. Her face looked paler, and there were light, yellow bruises on her cheeks and under her eyes from where her face made impact with the car during her accident. They were fading, but Spencer still winced at the sight of them and her appearance. Her hair didn't look as alive as it usually did, and definitely more greaser than she'd ever like it to be.

Spencer couldn't help but to laugh darkly at her appearance. She knew Hanna would have a field day if she saw Spencer looking like this.

As she glanced back at herself in the mirror, her eyes caught sight of a picture taped to the corner of it. It was a new addiction to the photos she had taped on it before. It was a picture of her and Toby Cavanaugh. She was on his back, her eyes closed as she was caught in mid laughter while Toby grinned at the camera. Spencer reached up to rip it off the mirror in anger but softened as she held it in her hands.

As the realization that her friends weren't lying about her and Toby slowly began to dawn on herself, Spencer only found herself more and more confused. She looked happy in the photo, but how is it possible to forget someone she was once so happy with?

She placed the photo face down on her dresser, ready to ignore it for the time being, as she caught sight of another photo. On the table beside her bed was another photo of her and Toby, this time with Toby's arm around her waist, pulling her close to him as he placed a kiss on her cheek. Spencer's face was glowing in the photo.

Letting out a sigh of frustration, Spencer picked the photo up, and along with the one sitting on her dresser, placed them both in the top drawer of her top dresser. She slammed the draw shut with a loud thud before leaning against her dresser. She closed her eyes, her empty hand moving to rub her temple gently.

Her sights soon turned to her red chair that faced the window. Curious, Spencer walked towards the chair to see that it faced outside, towards Toby's house. If she sat down on the chair, Spencer knew she could almost directly see Toby Cavanaugh's bedroom window. She quickly shut her shades and turned the chair away from the window before sitting down in it, letting out a sigh. Her hands flew to her forehead as she took a few more deep breaths, trying to calm herself before she began to cry.

Everything seemed to make less and less sense as time went on.

"Get a hold of yourself," she mumbled to herself quietly, closing her eyes. "You're stronger than this." She clenched her hands tightly before wincing slightly in pain as she remembered her right hand still held the silver key. She opened her hands slightly, her eyes locking onto the small key. At the sight of the object, Spencer's breathing slowed down and she seemed to calm down.

"Everything will be fine; it'll all work out," she told herself as her fingers traced the key lightly before clutching onto it tightly, holding it close to her like it was her only lifeline.

* * *

Outside of the Hasting's household, a familiar trucked turned onto their street and slowed down before stopping all together as it approached their home.

Toby sat in the truck, his eyes glued to Spencer's house as he approached it. He was coming home to see his father, mostly because with everything that had happened, Toby knew his father was worried about him. He didn't realize Spencer was coming home that day until he saw all four cars of the Hastings' parked outside of their home. Since Spencer's accident, there had always been at least one car missing from the driveway, and with all four present, Toby could only guess that Spencer was home.

Instinctively, Toby glanced up at Spencer's bedroom window. Her shades were closed. When Toby came by the day before to see his father, the shades were open, just like the way Spencer left them, the way she liked them.

Toby hadn't seemed them closed in the middle of the afternoon since before they were dating, before they were friends. He could only guess that Spencer was upstairs in her room, and didn't like the view her window gave.

Toby blinked his eyes a few time, his hands moving to quickly rub away the tears that were forming in his eyes. He turned into his father's driveway, resisting the urge to run next door and demand to see Spencer.

Instead, Toby pulled out his phone, dialing one of the few numbers he knew by heart.

* * *

Spencer felt her phone vibrate from inside her pocket, pulling her out of her thoughts. She glanced at the caller I.D and felt a small smile spread across her lips as she answered.

"Hi, Aria," she said into the phone.

"Hey you," replied Aria, and Spencer felt her smile widen at the sound of a familiar voice. "A little birdie…and by little birdie I mean a big bird named Jason, informed us they finally released you today."

"That little big bird told you correctly; I am currently at home, hiding out in my room to avoid my parents' concerning looks."

"Does that mean you want to be alone right now, then?"

Spencer felt herself grin again. "Not unless certain someone is offering to come keep me company."

"Well, not a certain someone, but rather three someones, actually," said Aria, laughing as she heard her best friend laugh through the phone. "What do you say, you up for some company tonight from your three best friends?"

"Absolutely," declared Spencer. "So long as they're bringing over every Jake Gyllenhaal movie they possibly own."

"Uh, of course. Who said we couldn't?" said Aria with a laugh. "Emily just got out of swim practice, so we should be over an about an hour so."

"Sounds great to me," said Spencer genuinely before hanging up. A night with her friends is definitely what she needed to keep life on the track back to normality.

* * *

On the third ring, she finally picked up.

"Hey Toby," said Emily softly into the phone when she answered.

"Hey, Em," said Toby. "Listen are you free tonight? I could use a friend right now."

Toby could hear the hesitation as Emily struggled to respond. "Actually…Toby I'd love to but…I mean I could…"

"Do you already have plans?" Toby asked curiously. It didn't take long for it to hit him. "Do you have plans to see Spencer tonight?" he corrected himself softly.

"Toby…" said Emily gently. He knew she was trying to avoid saying her name.

"No, no, I get it," said Toby, attempting to wave her off.

"I could cancel," suggested Emily. "She'll have Aria and Hanna tonight as it is."

"She needs you, Em," said Toby quietly. "She needs you guys the most right now. She needs things, people she remembers to help her."

"You need me too," argued Emily. "She has memory loss, but you don't. You're suffering too, Toby, and I want to be there for you."

"I know you do. But I'll be fine. See Spencer tonight, especially when it's her first night home. I'll just steal you away tomorrow or something."

"Are you sure?" Emily asked hesitantly. "Honestly, Toby, I can cancel."

"No, no. Go with Aria and Hanna to her place. Just do me one favor?"

"Of course."

"Make sure she's happy tonight. Make sure she's smiling rather than in pain. Give her a night where she doesn't have to be reminded of what's she's going through for me. I just want her to be happy, even if it's for a small amount of time."

"Of course," said Emily softly, and Toby could hear the sound of her voice trembling slightly through the phone, as if she was trying to hold back tears. "We'll give her some good company tonight."

"Thank you," said Toby. "I'll talk to you later, Em," he told her before hanging up the phone. He sat down on his father's porch, his hands beginning to tremble as he dropped his phone.

He heard the door behind him open, but Toby didn't register it. "There you are," his father said quietly. "I thought I heard you out here." When Toby didn't reply, his father took a seat next to him on the steps, his hand reaching up to grasp his son's shoulder. "I'm sorry," his father said to him quietly.

The words weren't enough to change the situation, to make anything different, but somehow, they were exactly what Toby needed to hear.

* * *

**Don't forget to review! :)**


	6. A Return to Normality

**A/N:** I'm so terrible, I know. It's here, and let's just keep supporting this and forgive me for my terrible slow updates. I'll get better, I promise! I actually do enjoy this chapter, mostly because of certain characters I got to [finally] include, so I hope you enjoy it too.

Once again, thank you to everyone reviewing. You guys are amazing and I love you.

* * *

**Chapter Six - A Return to Normality**

"Honey are you sure about this?" Spencer rolled her eyes as her mother asked her the same question for the third time that morning. "I mean, you've only been home for a few days. Are you sure going back to school already is such a good idea?"

Spencer turned away from the fridge, the expression on her face annoyed with her mother's constant doubtful question, but her face softened when she saw the concern in Veronica's eyes. "Mom," she said softly. "I'll be fine. Going back to school will help me go back to normality, and isn't that what the doctor said I should be trying to do? Besides," she continued, reaching back in the fridge to grab cream for her coffee, frowning when she realized they were out. A morning without coffee definitely was a sign for a bad day to come for Spencer. "my guidance counselor gave me my class schedule, and with memory loss, it'll be like jumping into the classes a month behind everyone else. I don't want to fall behind any further than I am."

Veronica Hastings smiled slightly. "You get that from your father you know," she said softly. "Always driven, just like him."

"Well dad's a smart man," Spencer mumbled, her forehead ceasing as she continued to frown at the sight of the empty bottle of cream sitting on the counter, most likely finished by her father before he left for work.

"It seems like forever ago since I've heard you say anything complimentary about your father," her mother mumbled, closing her eyes.

Spencer opened her mouth to ask her mother what she meant when the sound of their front door opening stopped her. Aria, Hanna and Emily walked into the house, letting themselves in like they always had. Spencer's eyes instantly lit up as she spotted two coffees in Aria's hands. Aria grinned at the sight of her best friend. "I figured you'd need one to start your morning," she said, handing Spencer one of the styrofoam cups.

"You're a lifesaver," Spencer replied, closing her eyes as she took a long sip from the steaming coffee. After years of an over dosage of caffeine, the heat of the coffee didn't seem to affect her.

"Hello girls," murmured Mrs. Hastings as the girls politely replied back.

"I'll see you later tonight," said Spencer picking up her bag from beside the couch.

"If you don't feel ready for school, or comfortable, don't hesitate to call me and I'll come get you," said Mrs. Hastings before the girls could leave. "I should be home early today anyways."

"_Mom_," said Spencer, her voice soft but firm. "I'll be fine. Go to work, and I'll see you later…when you get home at your _regular _hour."

Veronica hesitated for a moment before replying. "Okay, but if you have any problems, please do call me, alright?"

"Fine," replied Spencer, turning to leave her house before her mom could attempt to talk her out of going again. Once outside, Spencer let out a loud sigh as her hand moved to rub the side of her temple, one of her newly constant headaches already forming.

"She means well," Emily said softly, placing a hand on Spencer's shoulder.

"I know she does I just…I need a moment where they're not breathing down my back," she replied, reaching to open the door to Aria's car.

"For the record, I fairly called shotgun," said Hanna. Spencer laughed as her other friends rolled their eyes, before moving to get into the backseat with Emily.

"You know they're just concerned for you, that's all," said Aria, getting into the car and starting it. "They don't know how to react to your…"

"Accident?" finished Spencer for her. "You can say it, you know. I know it happened, after all."

"I guess none of us know really how to react," interrupted Emily.

"Except for getting you coffee and watching endless amounts of Jake Gyllenhaal movies with you," said Hanna from the front seat.

Spencer couldn't help but to smile. "And that's what I want…a return to normality. And the last time I checked, I do remember loving coffee and Jake." Her three friends laughed. "I'm just tired to being treated like some helpless victim," Spencer finished when they quieted down.

"If there's one thing Spencer Hastings isn't, it's helpless," pointed out Aria.

"Well, I don't know," interjected Hanna. "You're the only person I know who's edger to return to school. That sounds like a helpless person to their inner nerd to me."

"Says the girl who's helpless to the inner shopper within her," said Aria.

"And helpless to Caleb's smile," teased Emily.

"Okay, okay, I got it!" said Hanna with an eye roll. "If you let me finish, I was going to say, but helpless to life's situations? That's something Spencer Hastings isn't…none of us are, matter-of-factly." The three girls nodded their head. "So I say a toast for not being helpless to life's crappy situations," Hanna finished, raising her cup of coffee and turning towards the back. Spencer grinned as her and Emily gently touched their cups against Hanna's.

"I'm metaphorically toasting with you guys," said Aria. "Unless you want me to let go of this steering wheel to actually toast."

"Please don't," said Spencer with a laugh. "I've filled my dangerous car accidents quota for a lifetime." Aria, Hanna and Emily laughed along with her, and suddenly, returning to normality didn't sound as hard as Spencer thought.

* * *

What Spencer didn't take into consideration, however, is how her fellow classmates would react to her attempt normality. In a town like Rosewood, news of Spencer's accident had spread quickly (as evident with the countless gifts and flowers left for Spencer in her hospital room), and as the four girls entered the school, they could feel all the eyes in the hallway instantly glance in their direction.

"Anyone else sensing the feeling of deja-vu here?" murmured Aria to her friends as she looked around at the faces staring at them.

"Well today should be fun," mumbled Spencer.

"Hey, screw them. When are they not staring?" said Hanna, rolling her eyes at her classmates. "Besides, they're all probably jealous to hear you got into a horrific accident, and you still look hotter than anyone here."

Spencer laughed, shaking her head. "I can always count on you to cheer me up, Han," she said sincerely. The girls walked towards the direction of their lockers, as Spencer trailed behind slightly, realizing she didn't know where her locker was this year. The others moved to their lockers to open them, as Spencer stood behind them, frowning.

"What is it?" Aria asked when she noticed the look on her friend's face before it dawned on her. "Your locker's next to mine," said Aria softly before her friend could admit to something else she didn't know. "Here," she continued, reaching over to open Spencer's locker. "You told me your combination on the first day when I told you I feared that with everything going on in your head, you'd forget it one day."

"That sounds like something I would've done," Spencer said quietly with a small, sad smile.

"It's 42-8-30," Aria finished when she opened the locker.

Spencer glanced in, noticing instantly AP French and English books, two books she would have expected to find with or without her schedule. Her locker was exceptionally organized, her binders color coordinated with the colored schedule hanging in the back of her locker. She smiled; how could she expect anything less from herself?

Her eyes traveled to the door of her locker to find a picture of Hanna, Emily, Allison, Aria and herself from seventh grade at Ali's beach house hanging. Under it was a picture of Toby, grinning, as he leaned against a truck. "He's everywhere," she mumbled, looking at the photo of Toby.

"He was an important part of your life," said Aria softly.

"Then why don't I remember being with him?" said Spencer quietly, her voice sounding the closest to helpless it has sounded in a long time.

"Maybe talking to him will help you figure it all out," suggested Emily. "What?" she continued as Aria and Hanna gave her a look. "He's my friend, and he's hurting, worried like we all are."

"I have to get to class, I'll talk to you guys later," Spencer said softly, ignoring Emily's suggestion before taking off in the direction of her European history class without her friends.

"I thought we weren't going to bring up Toby," murmured Hanna.

"Yeah what happened to giving her time before we reminded her she has a boyfriend she doesn't remember?" asked Aria, her eyes sympathetically locked onto the direction Spencer went in.

"I know, but you guys don't hear him every time he talks to me," said Emily. "He sounds so broken…defeated; like being around me is too painful because I remind him of her."

"How does he think we feel?" said Hanna. "I mean, it's killing us too that Spencer can't remember almost a whole year. We're suffering too."

"Look at it this way," said Emily. "It's killing us, but at least Spencer remembers us, remembers she loves us. She has no memory of Toby other than he's a suspected killer."

* * *

Spencer walked into what she believed to be her European history class, instantly freezing in the doorway, not knowing where to go.

"Spencer," said a man said softly, walking over towards her. Spencer didn't remember him, but she had seen him around school enough to know that he was her teacher. "Your guidance counselor told me you were returning today. How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Spencer mumbled, her eyes scanning the class, hoping to figure out which seat was hers before he could tell her, reminding her once again of something she couldn't remember.

"Well, don't worry, we'll see what we can do to catch you up. Why don't you take your seat…you sit in the row closest to the windows, the last seat," he added after a moment, causing Spencer to frown. "And if you need anything, or if everything's too overwhelming, don't hesitate to tell me so."

Spencer already hated the extra attention she was bound to receive all day from her teachers and classmates. "Will do, Mr.…"

"Murphy," he finished for her with a sympathetic smile. She moved to take her seat before he could remind her all she forgotten any further, ignoring the stares she was getting from those filling into the classroom.

Spencer sat down, grabbing the green binder labeled with the class name, the period, teacher and Spencer's name from her bag before closing her eyes and moving to rub her now throbbing temples once more. "Well, well, well; look who's back." Spencer didn't have to open her eyes to know who it was; she knew that voice far too well. She groaned in response.

"Hi, Noel," she responded, looking up to give him a fake smile. She didn't remember much about Noel, other than his overly arrogant attitude and flirtatious ways have aggravated her since meeting him back in middle school, where everyone but her seemed to fawn over him. But with conversations with her friends, she knew that though they couldn't exactly blame Noel for anything yet, he wasn't a person to be trusted.

"How ya feeling, Hastings?" he asked, his voice almost mocking, as he took a seat next to her. Spencer had to resist the urge to groan as she realized his seat was next to hers.

"Wonderful, and yourself?" she replied, her voice a cross between over exaggerated and annoyed.

"I'm great, actually…now that you're back, of course." Spencer had to resist the urge to smack the grin off his face. "So," he continued, leaning in. "is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"That you seem to be missing a few memories up there," he said, still grinning as he pointed towards her head.

"Probably not as much as the rumors going around say that I am," Spencer replied, her voice strong and confident despite feeling the exact opposite. She didn't like how people knew how the accident affected her; she didn't like people knew she was vulnerable.

"From what I hear, you can't quite remember the time you spent dating your freak of a boyfriend," said Noel, a smirk on his lips growing wider as Spencer closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"You clearly heard wrong then," she replied, her eyes still closed as she focused on her breathing.

"Really? 'Cause it seems like I didn't. Hey, you should feel lucky; now you can pretend like that mistake you made being with him never actually happened, and you can move on to a real man."

"What do you know about Toby?" Spencer replied, suddenly feeling defensive of Toby.

"Enough to know he's a freak capable of murder."

Spencer let out a harsh laugh. "Says the guy supposedly hooking up with Jenna Marshall."

"You know nothing about Jenna," said Noel, his smirk fading as his face went hard.

"I probably know more about her than you do," said Spencer, meeting Noel's hard look with one of her own. This is what she was used to, what she missed: having power, not backing down.

"If I were you, Hastings, I'd be careful," said Noel after a moment. "You never know what could happen when you're at the disadvantage of short term memory loss."

Spencer's eyes lowered. "Are you threatening me?" she asked, her voice lowering with her eyes.

"Just warning you, that's all," he said, giving her one final hard look before turning to face the front of the classroom. Spencer looked over at him a moment longer, her ability to breathe becoming harder and harder. It wasn't that she feared Noel, but she couldn't help but to fear the idea of how vulnerable she was, how vulnerable people knew she was, and how it made her an easy target.

"Miss. Hastings?" Mr. Murphy's voice pulled Spencer out of her thoughts. "Is everything alright?" he asked, his voice full of that pity concern Spencer hated.

"Yeah, um, I'm fine," she lied, her voice sounding stronger than she felt. "I just…may I use the restroom, please?" she asked.

"Of course, just come get a pass," he replied.

Spencer nodded, grabbing her stuff and standing up. "See ya around, Hastings," Noel mumbled to her as she walked by him, the grin on his face returning. Spencer took the pass from her teacher, mumbling a thank you, before walking out. She left the classroom, and instantly headed towards the exit of the school. Her parents were right; she wasn't ready to return to school.

_Can't even get through the first hour of class_, Spencer thought to herself. _Pathetic._

She debated where she could go as she walked towards the back entrance of the school. There was no way she was calling her parents, admitting she was wrong about handling school, and all of her friends were still in school. She was thinking of walking home, hiding out in her room until everyone returned, when the thought she had been avoiding for weeks came to mind.

Feeling lost and confused as Noel's voice crept back into her head, with shaky hands, Spencer pulled out her phone. She didn't know where her sudden assurance that this was a good idea came from, but she knew, despite how hard she tried to deny it, she felt helpless. She needed someone, someone that could help, even possibly understand, and there seemed to be only one option left to turn to.

She searched through her contacts and sure enough she found the number she was looking for and called it. On the second, she heard someone pick up. "We need to talk," she said before the other person could respond.

There was silence for a moment. "Spencer," Toby Cavanaugh breathed, and she could hear the mix of desperation, disbelief and another feeling she couldn't decipher in his voice.

"Yeah it's me. I think…we need to talk. Where are you?"

"I'm…I'm at work, but I'll be on break in a few minutes," he replied, and Spencer could hear the confusion in his voice.

"Do you think you can come pick me up at the school?" she asked him.

"Yeah…of course. I'll be there in a little bit."

"I'll see you then," Spencer said softly before hanging up the phone. Part of her still didn't trust Toby; memory loss or not, the last thing she could remember about him was he was a suspect for the murder of one of her best friends. But with all the photos, the things that were undoubtedly his around her room and in her car, she could no longer deny that something had happened between them, and with something between them, there was no doubt that Toby would hold some of the answers Spencer desperately wanted to fill the time couldn't remember.

So before she could talk herself out of it, Spencer walked outside into the slightly chill Rosewood weather, a sign that summer was gone and fall was well underway, and sat down on a bench away from the school to wait for Toby to pick her up.

* * *

**A/N:** Thoughts? Come on, I had to add Noel! I love him so much, mostly because I can make him this bad guy you can't help but to love (and for those who know me, know I may sort of overly love any type of Noel/Spencer/Toby interactions for some strange reason...). Anyways, please review!


	7. Coffee

_**A/N:** _I suck I know. I've had this uncompleted on my computer for over a week now, but I struggled to find what I wanted to say in his chapter. But with this sure to be emotional episode for Spoby coming next week, I worked through how deathly ill I'm feeling to get this up just for you guys!

Once again, thank you to all who reviewed. It's you guys that keep my inspirations up for this story and even Spoby on the show!

* * *

**Chapter 7 - Coffee**

He heard the phone click from the other end of the line, yet Toby seemed frozen. He ended the call and placed his phone back in his pocket, but didn't move from against his truck as he played their conversation over in his head once more.

"Do you think you can come pick me up at the school?"

Spencer's voice sounded confused, broken, a tone of voice Toby had never heard before. He could tell she was scared, felt weak, and after what she had been through, it'd be expected, but it didn't change the way Toby's chest seemed to tighten in pain at the sound of Spencer's broken voice.

But despite her fears, her confused state of mind she called him; her boyfriend she has almost no recollection of. Toby knew better than to get his hopes up; just because she called him didn't mean her memory was anywhere close to coming back. But it was a start. A start for Toby to remind her, to show her just much he loves her, how much she loves him. She was willing to put her current thoughts aside to talk to him. It was a start.

"There you are," said a voice from behind his truck. Toby attempted to smile when he saw it was James. Toby had worked with James for over a year now, and had become one of the few people Toby trusted. Always understanding and looking out for him, Toby saw James as an older brother to him.

"Sorry," Toby murmured, motioning to the phone in his hand. "Important phone call."

"Was it your father again?" James asked with a low chuckle. "I swear that man misses you like crazy at home. He's probably going insane living with those two women alone."

"It was Spencer," Toby said quietly.

James' smile instantly faded. Toby confided in him enough to know how much he loved Spencer, and how hard the past two weeks have been for him. "What did she say?" he asked Toby, leaning against the side of his truck with him.

"She asked if I could pick her up to talk." Toby turned to his coworker. "She wants to see me. I-I get to see her again."

"Then what are you waiting for?" James asked him. "Go pick her up!"

"What about work?"

James gave him a look. "Do you really think I wouldn't cover for you with something like this?"

This time Toby gave him a grin. "Did I ever tell you you're the best?"

"You don't have to; it's implied. Now go see her; help her see why she loves you."

* * *

In less than fifteen minutes Toby pulled onto the street that contained Rosewood high to find Spencer sitting on a bench slightly down the road from the school. He slowed as he approached her, his heart beating faster at the sight of her. He hadn't seen her in over a week, and the absence of her from his life became increasingly apparent from the moment he spotted her on the bench. Toby parked his truck next to the sidewalk before shutting it off and exiting. He froze for a second next to his truck. Spencer's head was buried within a European history book, her face slightly confused but determined. She bit the side of her thumb, a habit Toby's ever rarely see her do. She didn't notice him or his truck stopping, too busy focused on her book. A small smile spread across his lips; he wouldn't expect anything less from her.

He cleared his throat after a moment. "Hmm?" Spencer murmured distractedly, looking up from her book. Her preoccupied demeanor changed, however, when she noticed it was him. "Oh. Hey," she said softly, placing her European history book back in her bag before standing up.

"You uh, you said you wanted to talk?" Toby said, his hands placed in his back pocket.

"Yeah, I um…yeah," Spencer finally said, closing her eyes. Toby rarely ever heard her stumble over her words, or her voice lacking confidence. This would be hard for both of them.

"How about we grab some coffee?" Toby suggested.

Spencer's eyes lit up almost instantly. "Yes!" she exclaimed, her voice hinting it had been far too long since she's had her caffeine fix. Toby couldn't help but to smile. "I am in a desperate need for some," she confirmed, a smile spreading across her own lips to match Toby's.

"Come on then," he said, turning back towards his truck. He unlocked his door and prepared to get in, but stopped when he saw Spencer hesitating.

"We're gonna take your truck to get coffee?" she asked him, biting down on her lip.

"We can walk if that's more comfortable for you," he replied softly.

"No…not it's fine. It's too cold to walk anyways," Spencer finally replied, and after another moment of hesitation, opened the door and got into Toby's truck. She fidgeted with her hands on her lap, her eyes focused on the spotless floor, pretending not to hear the soft sigh that escaped Toby's lips as he got in and started the truck. She noticed the CD that started instantly as the car started. It was one of hers.

"It's a nice truck you have here," Spencer said after a minute, filling the silence in between them.

"You bought it for me last year," Toby replied quietly. "You liked to call it our truck, and you'd beg me to teach you how to drive it, and we'd finally started practicing with you behind the wheel until your…" he trailed off, taking a look over at Spencer who's head was down and eyes closed. "Sorry I didn't mean to…" Toby started before trailing off again.

"No, it's okay," Spencer replied softly, though her voice was uneven and she hadn't opened her eyes.

* * *

"And you know what I told her?" Hanna asked Emily, pausing from putting her book into her locker to finish telling her friend her story. "I told her she was crazy because there's no way in hell that Serena's and Lonely Boy's marriage is going to work out, not with how he had been treating her!"

"Wait, who's Lonely Boy again?" Emily asked her, clearly struggling to keep up with her best friend's references.

"Dan, Emily, Dan! You know? The guy that was Gossip Girl? Who completely and utterly always said awful things about Serena and her friends? Come on, Em, you gotta keep up here!"

"Hanna, I don't even watch this show!" Emily exclaimed.

"Well clearly you need to come over more to see it," replied Hanna matter-of-factly, closing her locker door.

Emily opened her mouth to respond, but opted with rolling her eyes instead as Aria approached rounded the corner down the hall, hastily walking towards them.

"Aria, will you please tell Emily that Serena and Nate should've ended up together, not her and Dan," Hanna said as their friend approached, placing her hands on her hips.

Aria turned to Emily for a translation to what Hanna just told her as Emily shrugged her shoulders, signaling with her hands for Aria to ignore her.

"I-whatever, guys we have bigger problems to worry about," Aria told them. "Spencer didn't show up for our second period class."

"What do you mean she didn't show up?" Hanna asked her.

"As in, she wasn't in class. I think she left school, but every time I try calling her, her phone goes straight to voicemail."

"Do you think she called her mom to pick her up after all?" Emily asked.

"Do you really think Spence would ever call her mom to admit she was wrong about handling school?" Hanna replied.

"Okay, so if we can assume she's not with her mother, then where would she be?" Aria asked, worry lines ceasing across her forehead.

"Jason?" Emily suggested. "He has been watching out for her a ot lately."

"I'll call him," Aria murmured, pulling her phone out to give Jason a call.

"Aria?" Jason said, answering on the second ring, his voice questioning.

"Please tell me Spencer's with you," she replied, though something told her deep down that she wasn't.

"She's not in school with you guys?"

"She was and left first period, apparently. I know she's a big girl and all, but it's her first day back and-"

"You're worried about her," Jason finished for her. "It's understandable. I'll try giving her a call or swinging by her house, okay? Stay in school and I'll let you know if I find her."

"Thanks Jason," Aria murmured.

"It's no problem. When I told you I'm there for Spencer, I meant I was there for you too."

"I know," Aria replied softly before hanging up and turning back to her friends. "She's not with him, but he said he'll swing by her house to see if she headed home."

"I'm sure she's fine," Emily assured her friends. "She probably just needed some time to herself without all of us constantly checking on her."

Aria sighed. "I know. I'm just a worrier-we all are."

"And it's why Spencer loves us," assured Emily. "No come on before we're late to gym…again."

"Wait, no screw gym!" exclaimed Hanna. "Neither of you have agreed with me on my stance of Serena's future after Gossip Girl yet!"

Emily rolled her eyes. "Come on, Han."

"Can we at least talk about how Aria knows Jason's number by heart?" Hanna mumbled as she grudgingly followed her friends down the hall

"Nope," Aria mumbled back, dropping the subject before Hanna could continue.

* * *

Spencer and Toby arrived at a coffee shop a few minutes later and the faintest smile touched Spencer's lips as she realized where they were. "This is my favorite place to get coffee," she murmured softly, mostly to herself.

Toby glanced at her as he shut the engine off. "I know," he said softly after a moment, giving her one final look before getting out of the truck.

Spencer closed her eyes once more as she faced the over whelming urge to cry for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. "Pull yourself together, Spence," she told herself softly. "You can do this." With a final nod of her head in assurance, she exited the truck to follow Toby inside.

She watched, slightly taken back, as he ordered two coffees, one of them matching the way she took hers perfectly. He turned to face her after paying for both of them to find her surprised look, only to mumble a "sorry, habit," to her. He knew her favorite coffee shop, her coffee order. Her CDs were in his car, he was able to recite memories they supposedly shared to her as if they happened yesterday.

There was a lot Spencer didn't know about herself, about Toby.

Toby handed her her coffee a moment later, pulling Spencer out of her thoughts. She followed him small table, isolated off in the corner of the shop where they'd have some privacy to talk.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Spencer preoccupied with twirling her styrofoam cup around gently in her hand, seemingly lost in thought of just how much she couldn't remember, as Toby sat across from her, struggling with the right words to say to her that wouldn't upset her.

"How did we become friends?" Spencer asked him suddenly, her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes still focused on the cup in her hands rather than him.

Toby looked down at his own hands that cradle his coffee on the table, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips. "I needed a French tutor, and you volunteered." Spencer opened her mouth to respond, but Toby continued, sensing already what she was going to ask. "You and your friends started to realize that the information didn't add up and started to doubt I was the one that killed Ali. And then someone tried to frame you for her death too."

"_Me_?" Spencer asked incredulously.

Toby let out a small laugh. "Now you know how I felt," he replied, and although he wasn't sure, he could've sworn he saw the faintest smile attempt to touch her lips. "After someone tried to frame you," he continued, "you realized the same thing happened to me, and whether you felt bad for me or the lack of French in my life, you became me tutor…and the rest is history."

"Why would you want me as a tutor after I blanently accused you of murder?" she asked him suspiciously.

Toby grinned. "I didn't at first, believe me. But you were persistent." He paused for a moment, taking in the small smile that spread across Spencer's lips. Nowadays it seemed rare that he'd catch her smiling, one of his favorite sights to see. "I'm a firm believer in everyone makes mistakes," he continued, this time his tone softer. "And that everyone deserves a second chance, especially when they show they want it. So I let you tutor me, and from there we just got to know each other better." He looked down at his drink, his smile faltering slightly. "We realized we had a lot more in common than we thought," he murmured to her.

Spencer suddenly found her questioning everything she seemed so sure of this morning. Was there really more to Toby than she remembered?

Was there something about him that she fell in love with?

"So how did we…how did we go from friends to…" Spencer said, trailing off.

"To dating?" Toby finished for her. Spencer nodded her head, unsure of how much she wanted to hear this story. "Actually what happened was we were spending the night together in a motel and-"

"We were what?"

"We were spying on Jenna together," he informed her. "Don't worry; we spent most of the night playing board games while you ingested far too much caffeine." Spencer rolled her eyes, but smiled anyways, knowing exactly how well that description fit her.

"It was really fun to kick your ass in scrabble," Toby murmured suddenly, mostly to himself.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Toby mumbled in as he thought back to that first night in the motel. He hadn't planned on kissing her that night; he hadn't planned for any of that night. But seeing Spencer in a different light, seeing her wind down (as much as Spencer could) gave him a glimpse into a n entirely different side of Spencer he knew nothing about; a side he couldn't deny he loved seeing.

He wasn't thinking when he kissed her. He wasn't thinking of their past, of the Spencer Hastings he once thought he knew, but rather of the _Spence_ he got to know overtime; of her smile, the way she crinkled her nose, and how her eyes light up when she's excited and of her infectious laugh-all things he had come to love about her-when he kissed her.

And now sitting in the coffee shop with Spencer unable to remember what he holds to be one of his favorite memories of their time together-one of his favorite memories of his life-Toby could only think how fast everything changed; how one day he went from cherishing their memories and creating new ones, to clinging onto them in hopes that one day, they'll mean the same thing they once did to her.

"Our first kiss was the day after," Toby finally told her, though his tone sounded distant, as if reflecting on his memories out loud. "You told me you weren't expecting that, and I told you I wasn't either, because I never did plan on making a move that day; it sorta just happened. But it doesn't change that it did, and that we were both smiling afterwards because after what had seemed like an endless time of misery for both of us, we both were starting to realize that that happiness we were looking for, that happiness we both so badly wanted, so badly deserved, was with each other."

"It sounds like a happy memory to have," Spencer whispered softly, and Toby finally looked up from the coffee cup in his hands to find her staring at him, tears quickly filling her eyes. Toby opened his mouth to respond, to apologize for bringing up their first kiss, but closed his mouth a second later when he realized he wasn't sorry. "Was I-were we happy together?" Spencer asked a minute later, attempting to regain her composer though her voice cracked and her eyes still watered.

"Happier than we've been in a long time," Toby replied instantly. He reached across the table, and when Spencer didn't protest, he gently grabbed a hold of her hands. "More than anything do I wish you could remember," he said to her softly, his voice becoming more desperate. "because you were happy. I swear to you, you-I-we were both happy and it's because we were in love. Hell, we're still in love, because somewhere deep down, I know you still love me even if you can't remember it. And I know that sounds absurd to you now, but Spence, from our first kiss to our first time-"

"Our first time?" Spencer asked, interrupting Toby with wide eyes. "You mean we…I lost…," she continued trailing off as tears begin to fall from her eyes. She pulled her hands away from Toby to furiously wipe away the tears falling down her cheeks. "I can't do this," she whispered, standing up. Leaving her coffee behind, Spencer turned away from the table, abruptly leaving the shop.

"Spencer wait!" Toby yelled after her, leaving the coffee shop to chase after her. "Hey, Spence, wait a second," he said as he caught up with her outside, grabbing her hand gently to stop her from running away.

"No, Toby I-I can't do this right now," she replied, turning around to look at him. Her cheeks were stained with tears as her eyes continued to water.

"Talk to me," Toby told her softly, still holding onto her hand. "You can't do what?"

"This!" Spencer exclaimed, waving her free hand around to gesture to him and herself. "The last thing I remember is hating you, and now I'm being assured that not only were we in a relationship, but we're _in love_? I don't remember what is supposedly a time where I was the happiest, and I don't even remember losing my _virginity_!? This is all just too much for me."

"I know it's a lot to take it, but Spencer, we were together, happy and in love. And it's hard to realize that now, but you'll get your memory back. I know you will, and everything will make sense again, I promise," Toby assured her, squeezing her hand in comfort. His voice was desperate.

"And if I don't?" Spencer replied quietly. Toby closed his eyes because there was those four words that followed the assurance that Spencer would one day get her memory back. And despite how sure Toby sounded, how much he promised, there was always that uncertainty buried within them both that she'd never remember the past year of her life.

"Then…we figure it out," Toby finally replied after a minute, his voice full of assurance once more. "You loved me once, Spence-you'll figure it out."

"I…I need some time to figure this out on my own before we can figure everything else out," she told him, gently pulling her hand away from his.

Toby nodded. "I understand," he told her and he did, because her working to accept their relationship was much better than her ignoring him all together in Toby's eyes. "Do you want me to give you a ride back to your place?"

Spencer shook her head. "I think it'd be better if I walked. We're only a few minutes from my house, and I could use the fresh air."

Toby nodded once more. "Call me when you can, okay? Because I'm not going here. I'll be here waiting for whenever you're ready to talk again or just if you need anything."

"Somehow, I don't doubt that anymore," she told him softly. Giving him one final look, she turned away from him, heading in the direction of her house. Toby stared after her for a moment, taking in the day's events as he watched her turn, walking out of sight. Things still weren't the same; she wasn't any closer to remembering anything, and there was no denying she still showed caution to the idea that she once loved him. But she knew; she couldn't deny any longer that they were together and she was happy. Spencer needed time, but she still was willing to look past what she thought she knew to allow him to be there for her, to give him a chance.

And that was enough progress for Toby to get in his truck with the hint of a small smile spread across his lips, thoughts of Spencer heavy on his brain.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope you guys enjoyed. Now that I've gotten the basis of the story going, I'm trying to get more of the other girls' lives involved with the story and how they'll play out as the story progresses.

**Don't forget to review!**


	8. The First Step to Recovery

**A/N:** Sometimes I get discouraged with my writing, sometimes I lose the direction I'm going in with something; sometimes I lose interest for a while, and sometimes writer's block just kicks my butt. And sometimes, at 2:30 in the morning I find inspiration to continue on, and in this case, a new chapter happens. So yes I know I suck with updates, but hopefully you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I just wanted to thank everyone who's reviewed the last chapter, or any chapter really and sent me DMs telling me how much they love the story; you guys rock and it's you guys who help give me inspiration to not give up on this!

* * *

**Chapter 8 - The First Step to Recovery**

Spencer sighed a breath of relief when she finally reached her street. The walk from the Brew to her house surely wasn't long, but the breezy air that results from Pennsylvania fall weather made the walk seem longer than its usual five minutes. The cold winds nipped at Spencer's cheeks as she held her thin sweater wrapped around her tightly, cursing herself for leaving her heavier jacket in Toby's truck.

Toby. Spencer sighed once more at the thought of him. How could one guy-a guy, as far as Spencer could remember, she barely knew-cause so many conflicting emotions within her? After spending the morning with him, hearing the way he spoke so easily, so adoring of their supposed past, seeing the way he stole glances at her with hopeful eyes when he was sure she didn't notice, there was no doubt in Spencer's mind that Toby Cavanaugh loved her. And at the sight of her belongings-from her favorite CDs to the picture of her clipped to the driver side's visor-so casually in his truck, and the way he knew her coffee order by heart, the harder it became for Spencer to deny the affection that was once between them.

Trying to clear her head of thoughts of Toby and the memories she can't remember, Spencer stopped short as she noticed an unfamiliar-or at least unfamiliar to her-car parked in her driveway. Cautiously, Spencer continued towards her house, her guard dropping as she saw Jason walking out of the Hastings' residents towards her. Like Toby, she didn't remember her apparent past with her supposed half-brother, but there was something about Jason, something so similar to herself that she saw in him; the way she so easily could believe her father was Jason's father, the snide remarks Alison use to make about her father-it all made sense now, and deep down, accepting that she was related to Jason didn't seem too far fetch to even the skeptical Spencer Hastings.

She gave Jason a small, half attempt of a smile as he approached her, wasting no time in wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in for a bear-like, yet warming hug. Spencer returned the gesture almost without thinking, finding something comforting in the idea of not only hugging a sibling of hers, but having one that cared enough to hug her at the moment he saw her.

"What are you doing here?" Spencer asked as they pulled apart and headed back towards her house.

"Your friends said you left school and Aria called me worried," Jason replied. "So I figured you probably headed home-which by the way, sorry about essentially breaking and entering your house; the door was unlocked so I assumed you were home."

"Well hey, it should be your house too anyways, right?" Spencer said with an ironic laugh as she opened the door to her house.

Jason rolled his eyes but smiled anyways at his half-sister. "I'm glad you still have your sense of humor," Jason replied, following her inside.

"Seriously though," Spencer continued. "I'm sorry I worried you guys. I just-I couldn't do it; I had to get out of there."

"A little overwhelming?" Jason asked softly.

"A little is a little bit of an understatement. I guess I wasn't as ready as I thought I would be to return," Spencer admitted sheepishly, leaning against her counter. "I just needed to get out of my house, and for everyone to just stop wasting their time distressing about me." Spencer looked up at Jason, giving him a sad smile. "I guess all I managed to do was cause everyone to worry more, huh?"

"Hate to break it to ya, kid, but we love you-your parents, your friends…me-we're going to worry about you," Jason replied. "Even when you're feeling more like yourself, we're still going to worry."

Spencer closed her eyes, nodding. "I know, I know it's just something I'm not use to; I'm usually looking out for everyone, not the other way around."

"Well not everyone else was in pretty terrible accident, were they?"

Despite the situation, Spencer laughed. "Oh so is the ban on the word 'accident' finally lifted? Can we all finally talk about that, yes, I was in a car accident?"

Jason let out a small laugh. "Glad to see the same old Spencer Hastings sarcasm is still intact too." Spencer smiled at him, feeling her distress and confusion from earlier as she laughed along with her brother, a feeling of comfort and a sense of nostalgia for something she couldn't quite remember washing over her, putting her at ease if only for the time being.

Spencer glanced to her side, a white piece of paper addressed with her name taped to her fridge catching her eye. Curiously, she ripped it off the fridge and unfolded it, frowning to herself as she read what the note her mother left for her read.

"What is it?" Jason asked, noticing her the look of disappointment on her face.

"Nothing, I just have my first appointment with a therapist that specializes in treating Neurotic Amnesia that's all," Spencer murmured, crumpling up the paper and tossing it into the trash.

"That's what they're classifying it as huh?" Jason asked quietly.

Spencer nodded. "Localized Neurotic Amnesia; when your brain blocks out all events of a specific time," she replied numbly.

"Hey, so where'd you go after you left school since you obviously didn't come home," Jason asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Hmm?" Spencer murmured, pulling herself from her thoughts. "Oh, I um…I kinda called Toby."

"You called him?" Jason clarified in shock. Spencer nodded once more. "And how did that go? Did you end up seeing him.

Spencer shrugged before sighing, moving to take a seat on her couch. "It…I don't know how it went to be honest. We grabbed some coffee and he answered some questions I had about…us. I still can't remember a single moment I've supposedly spent with him, but the way he described it all, the way he spoke of us…it happened; deep down I know it did. I can't deny it any longer, but it still just doesn't make any sense."

"What doesn't make any sense?"

"If I loved him as much as everyone says I did, and he loved me as much as he describes it…then how could I just forget something like that? How could I forget loving someone as much as I did him? I mean…the last memory I have of someone I supposedly loved shouldn't be of me hating him, right?"

"I don't know, Spence," Jason replied softly. "I wish I had the answers for you; hell, I wish I could make you remember, but I can't."

"We were close right? Before my accident, I mean."

Jason nodded. "We spent the summer beforehand and the beginning of this year getting to know each other better; you even took care of me more times then I'd like to admit."

"So what was your take on Toby then? I mean were we really…did I love him?"

"To be honest, Spencer, I didn't like the guy at first," Jason replied. "I had a hard time getting past seeing him as someone who potentially killed my sister. It was you that changed my view on him, though. The way you use to talk about him and how you missed him when you weren't around him; you really did love him, Spence. And despite what you do and don't remember, he treated you like you were the best thing in his life. He loved you and I know he still does."

Spencer nodded, closing her eyes. "Why am I not surprised at your answer?"

"Because despite what you do and don't remember, you know deep down there was something between you and Toby," Jason murmured to her with a shrug.

* * *

A few hours later Spencer found herself sitting in the passenger seat of Jason's car outside of the office where her new therapist worked. Spencer had begged Jason to be the one to take her to her first appointment, leaving before Spencer's mother got home, as she felt not quite ready yet to deal with her mother and admit that she wasn't exactly ready to return to school like she thought she was.

"You have to go in sooner of later," Jason reminded Spencer as he caught her staring out the window at the building in front of them.

"I know and I will…just give a me a minute," Spencer replied, biting down on her lip.

"Hey," Jason said softly, placing a comforting hand on Spencer's knee. "You'll be okay; it's only an hour long appointment, and I'll be out here waiting for you as soon as it's done."

"I just don't understand why I have to see this guy," Spencer murmured, attempting to hide the fact that she was more than a bit scared to talk to someone about her accident, to relive it all.

"Your doctor thinks it might help with your memory loss," Jason replied. "It doesn't hurt to try, right?"

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, you're right."

"When am I not?" Jason replied. "Now go; Aria keeps calling me to slyly keep checking up on you since finding out you were home safely and I don't wanna have to report back to her that you're trying to skip your first therapy session."

"All barley five feet of her will try to kill me if do," Spencer mumbles, causing Jason to laugh. "Since when did you two become so close, anyways?"

Jason shrugged. "It's a little complicated. We were…close beforehand, before sort of drifting apart. Ironically, it's your accident that brought us back together."

"Do I want to know what 'close beforehand' really means?" Spencer asked, lowering her eyes in suspicion.

"Erm…probably not right now, no," Jason replied, smiling. "Now go, before you're late."

Spencer nodded, opening up the car door and getting out. "You'll be here when I'm done, right? I won't come out to find my mom anxiously waiting instead?"

Jason laughed. "I promise you, I'll be here waiting."

Spencer smiled. "Thanks, Jason," she said softly before turning and heading towards the building in front of her. She entered the building and slowly climbed the stairs to the second floor where her new doctor's office was.

Entering the room labeled "Curatio" Spencer approached the receptionist desk cautiously. "Hi, I'm Spencer Hastings; I have an appointment with Dr. Curatio?" Spencer said.

The woman behind the desk smiled. "Have a seat; he should be with you shortly."

Spencer smiled at the woman, turning to take a seat in the empty room as a man appeared through another door. "Ah, you must be Spencer," said the man, approaching Spencer to shake her hand. "I'm Dr. Curatio; pleased to finally meet you."

"Uh, pleased to meet you too," Spencer replied, taken back at how young the man in front of her appeared. He seemed to be in his early to mid-thirties, his body of average build, the only sign of his aging were the light grey hairs Spencer could notice forming at his roots.

"Follow me," he told Spencer walking back into his office. He grabbed a file off the desk in the corner of the room before taking a seat in an empty chair. "Here, take a seat…or stand; whatever makes you feel comfortable," Dr. Curatio continued. Spencer took a seat on the couch across from his chair, placing her hands in her lap as she curiously looked around the room. There were shelves around the whole room, some stalked p with books of all different types, and others containing simple board games like checkers and chess.

"Now Spencer, just relax, okay?" Dr. Curatio continued, noticing Spencer's stiff and almost defensive posture. "I'm not here to interrogate you on what you remember or make you feel uncomfortable; I'm just here to help. I specialize in special cases of amnesia."

Spencer nodded. "Specifically Neurotic Amnesia; the type of neurosis crazy people get after a traumatic event, I know."

"Memory loss does not make you crazy, Spencer."

"It does when my injuries weren't even to my brain; my brain is trying to block out the accident, but it basically screwed up and is blocking out a whole year along with it, thus the localized amnesia."

Spencer's doctor smiled. "You've done your research, I see."

Spencer shrugged. "When you spend a couple weeks in an hospital and then trapped in your house, you have to do something right?"

"Very true," Dr. Curatio replied with a nod. "Like you said, your brain is trying to repress your accidents and the injuries you sustained during it, but in the process it also is blocking out a part of your memory. After reading over the reports surrounding your accident, I believe that the two things your brain is trying to block out is connected somehow, and the key to helping you regain your memory starts with trying to remember what happened the night of your accident, understand?" The doctor paused as Spencer nodded in understanding. "Now, with an accident like yours, we're not going to instantly rush into remembering something like that; we're going to try and take it slow."

"What's the matter, doc, afraid we'll put my brain into shock?"

The doctor laughed. "Something like that. Instead, we're just going to spend today's meeting just talking about the basics; getting to know each other, while seeing what your brain willingly remembers. Your mind will be more likely to open up if it trusts those trying to help it, like myself."

Spencer nodded once more. "Okay," she replied. "But just a heads up, my brain and trust usually aren't two thing that go together."

"It doesn't hurt to try, right? Let's start with the basics: What's your full name and where you were born?"

"Spencer Jill Hastings and I was born and raised in Rosewood, Pennsylvania," Spencer started, beginning her first session with Dr. Curatio.

* * *

An hour later Spencer exited her new doctor's building to find Jason parked in the same place he left her an hour ago, waiting like he promised.

"Hey there," he said as Spencer opened up the passenger door and got in. "How did it go?"

"Alright I guess," Spencer replied. "He seems to think I have a good chance of regaining some of the memories I lost."

"That's a good thing, right?"

Spencer nodded. "Yeah, but it's one thing to say there's a good chance of helping me, and another to actually help me."

"Guess we'll just have to see what happens," Jason murmured, pulling out of the parking lot.

The rest of the car ride back to Spencer's house was mostly silent with the exception of Jason's radio playing rock music from the 80s softly. Spencer stared out the window of his car, exhausted from the day already. She wanted to have hope that things would get better, that somehow her memory would come back and everything would go back to normal, but with each passing day Spencer found her hope fading more and more. She seemed to be the only one ready to accept this possibility, though.

They pulled into Spencer's driveway a few minutes later, noticing instantly another car that was neither her parents' nor Melissa's parked in the street in front of her house. Spencer smiled involuntarily at the sight of it, knowing instantly whose car it was.

She hoped out of Jason's car, noticing that the owner of the other sitting on the steps to her porch already waiting for her.

"Hey you," Spencer said softly as she approached him.

"Hey yourself," replied Wren Kingston, standing to meet her. He grabbed a bouquet of flowers off the porch and handed them to Spencer. "I've been meaning to come by, but with my history with your parents and Melissa I figured it might not be the best idea."

"Well I'm glad you found time anyways to come see me," Spencer replied, smiling as she smelt the flowers. It felt good for Spencer to be around a familiar face, someone she remembered her history with before the accident.

"Yeah, well I heard you were back on your feet and moving around, so I wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing."

"I've…I've been better," Spencer said with small smile.

"How is everything? Has anything, um, changed?" Wren asked.

Spencer shook her head grimly. "Besides a few injuries healing up, nothing's changed since leaving the hospital."

"Well if you ever want to get together, for coffee or anything and talk, I'm here; I'm sure I could be at least somewhat of a help," Wren offered, reaching out to affectionately rub Spencer's arm.

"That'd be nice, thanks Wren," Spencer replied softly. Wren smiled at her warmly before pulling her in for a hug. Spencer returned it gradually, allowing her eyes to close and her head to rest on his shoulder for a moment, enjoying the feeling of familiarity.

At the sound of another car approaching, one with a rumble that gave Spencer a strange sense of awareness, Spencer lifted her head, pulling away from Wren to see who the new approaching visitor was just in time to see Toby's truck coming to a stop parked behind Wren's car.

She moved to stand next to Wren as Toby got out of his truck carrying Spencer's bag and coat she left earlier. Seeing him caused Spencer's stomach to flip, her chest tighten up with a weird feeling that she couldn't exactly place.

Across the yard where Jason still stood beside his parked car, he winced at the sight of the new visitor, knowing full well the lack of friendship between the two men on Spencer's lawn. "Crap," he uttered to himself, keeping an eye on the three of them just in case.

"Toby…hey," Spencer said, slightly awkward as Toby approached her and Wren, his eyes shifting back and forth between them.

"Hey, mate," Wren said, his voice almost too cheerful for seeing Toby. Toby only stared at him without speaking, resisting the urge to smack the ever so small smile off his mouth.

"What, uh, what are you doing here?" Spencer asked.

"You left these in my truck earlier," Toby replied after a moment, allowing his eyes to leave Wren and focus on the girl he loved instead. "I figured you might want them back."

Spencer gave him a small smile. "Thanks," she said softly.

Toby nodded in response. "Yeah, well you have your stuff back and you seem to be busy, so I might as well take off."

"Toby wait!" Spencer called out instinctively as he began to walk away. Toby stopped, turning back and giving Spencer a blank expression, his eyes-his blue ones that seemed faded and broken; sad- the only thing giving away his true feelings. "I'll…I'll talk to you later, okay?" she said sheepishly, suddenly ashamed of feeling happy to see Wren now knowing of hers and Toby's past.

Toby nodded once more, offering no words before turning away and continuing towards his truck. He got into it, trying his best to keep his emotions and composer intact as he resisted the urge to go back and punch Wren for trying to reenter Spencer's life when she's her most vulnerable. He knew they had a past, and Toby knew it was the last thing Spencer could remember, the person she'd be more likely to turn to-the person she seemingly did turn to-than him right now, which only further caused Toby's chest to tighten in pain, the feeling of heartbreak washing over him once more.

Toby took a deep breath and started his car, allowing for the first time since Spencer's accident for a seed of doubt that him and Spencer will make it through this, that she'll remember loving him, to plant in the back of his mind.

* * *

**Don't forget to review! xo**


	9. The Night It Happened

**A/N:** Hey look at me getting better at this "not taking forever to update" thing! This chapter is kinda on the longer side, but once I started with this chapter, I honestly couldn't stop, and it didn't feel right to cut this down. Parts of this was extremely hard to write, so I appreciate any feedback!

Thank you to all of those who have stuck with me and my erratic updates; seriously it's your reviews that keep this going!

Ps - There's a little bit of flashback in this, which is italicized!

* * *

**Chapter 9 - The Night It Happened**

"What do you remember from your accident, Spencer?"

Spencer, who had been absentmindedly nibbling on the fingernail of her thumb, a habit that she had only recently picked up since her accident and one the resorted to more and more with each passing session with her new doctor, her mind drifting off elsewhere, glanced up at Dr. Curatio. "Hmm?" she murmured to him. "My accident? Not much," Spencer weakly admitted, frowning as she realized that herself. She had never thought much about how much she didn't even remember from her car crash.

"You never bothered asking?" Dr. Curatio asked her in a voice that lacked any accusation or judgment, and rather held only curiosity.

"My accident…it's still a touchy subject with my friends and family," explained Spencer. "Getting any of them-except Jason, of course-to even speak the word accident is a battle. It's like they want to pretend like it didn't happen."

"And why do you think that is?"

Spencer shrugged. "I don't know; it's not like they can pretend like it didn't happen, especially with my condition, right?" she paused for a moment. "I guess they don't want to accept the fact that something like this could happen to someone close to them. I'm a reminder that no matter how wealthy you are, or how nice you are, life doesn't make any exceptions for anyone."

"Is that why you were in such a rush to return to school last week? To get back to normal so your loved ones wouldn't have to face the reality of how possible your accident is to happen to anybody else?"

"Partially. And partially because I don't like the idea that by not returning to school and my daily routines, I'm not the same person I usually am, and that makes me vulnerable," Spencer admitted, a small smile forming on her lips. "I thought you were supposed to be a doctor specialized in helping me regain my memory, not psychoanalyzing me," Spencer said, her eyes narrowing, though she smiled, her voiced lacking any accusation.

Dr. Curatio threw his hands up as to claim innocence, a small smile of his own plastered on his lips. "I'm just trying to help in any way possible," he replied. "I do think trying to remember what happened on the night of your accident could be the first step in helping recover your lost memories, though," the doctor continued. "Would you be up for that?"

"Absolutely," Spencer said instantly. "Anything that can possibly help me recover what I can't remember."

"Alright then," said Dr. Curatio, clapping his hands together lightly. "Let's begin with you telling me what you do remember."

Spencer thought for a moment. "My accident happened on a Friday, I know that. If it was a Friday, I most likely was in school until at least three, most likely even later. "

Dr. Curatio nodded before looking down at a file on his lap. "Your accident reports say that you were rushed into the hospital close to seven thirty, which places the time of your accident around seven. Do you remember what caused your car crash?" Spencer weakly shook her head, realizing more and more just how little she knew of what occurred that night. "It was raining that night, and with how your car rolled and where it ended up, you most likely swerved to avoid hitting something, most likely an animal. And though they can't technically prove it, with the severity of the repercussions of braking the way you did, it's believed that you were speeding."

"Wait," Spencer said, closing her eyes. "It was raining, I was distracted enough that I didn't notice a supposed animal in the street, and I was most likely speeding? I was definitely angry at something."

"Does this mean you're starting to remember that night?" Dr. Curatio asked hopefully.

Spencer shook her head. "No," she admitted sadly. "But maybe by putting all the pieces together of what happened that night, I'll be closer to regaining my memory," Spencer said, attempting to sound hopeful that this was a beginning step to getting back what she lost.

* * *

It was Emily who had picked Spencer up that day from her doctor's appointment. She had begun meeting with Dr. Curatio three times a week, especially when after her disastrous attempt to return to school the week prior, Spencer still had not gone back (only agreeing to do this so long as her friends continued to bring her work to her each day so she could keep up), leaving more time for her to focus on her recovery. After the second appointment of her mom leaving work early so she could drive her, and constantly asking her endless amounts of questions about each appointment, Spencer opted to have anyone besides her mother driving her there and back from Dr. Curatio's office, easing the stress each appointment brought slightly.

"Hey girlie," Emily said as Spencer got into her car, for once looking relatively less worried than she usually did leaving her doctor's. "How'd it go today?"

"Good," Spencer replied, smiling at her friend to assure she meant it this time. In the past week, Emily had stepped up in being there for Spencer, willing to drive her to her doctor's whenever Jason couldn't, and though she could easily tell when Spencer lied about how her appointment went "okay" or "good", she never pried unless Spencer was willing to open up about it. She offered the right about of support to her friend without pushing her too much, something Spencer felt grateful for each day.

"I have a couple questions for you about the night of my accident if that's alright?" Spencer asked cautiously. "Dr. Curatio thinks it might help me with my memory."

"Shoot," Emily replied almost instantly, and Spencer silently breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed her friend not cringe at the topic of her car crash.

"I know the accident happened on a Friday, I know that, so I assume I was at school that day correct?"

Emily nodded. "You arrived to school late that day."

Spencer raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Late? Since when am I ever late for school?"

Emily laughed. "You muttered something about a fight with your family when brushed past us to go to your locker."

"A fight with my family," Spencer repeated. "That…okay, that sounds a lot more like me. Do you know what the fight was about?" she asked curiously.

Emily shrugged. "You kept uttering that Melissa was a terrible person and how your father always takes her side over yours. You were pretty worked up over it."

Spencer nodded, taking in the new information Emily gave her. Was this supposed argument the reason for her aggressive driving the night of the accident? Spencer subconsciously bit her lip; despite lacking a year worth of memories, it seemed unlikely her relationship with her family had been as strong as they had been making it seem lately-at least not as loving and caring as her family had been acting in lieu of her accident-and realizing she had been arguing with her sister and parents the morning of her car crash only further proved her suspicions. But Spencer couldn't figure out why this was something her parents hadn't talked to her about; why they hadn't talked to her about _anything_ that happened the night of her accident

"Spence? Everything okay?" Emily asked, giving her a concerning look, pulling Spencer out of her thoughts.

"You have no idea how helpful this new information is," Spencer told her, offering her friend a small smile of comfort. "You have anything else for me?"

"You went to one of my swim meets that night," Emily replied. "I don't know if that's helpful?"

"Em, anything I can possibly learn about that night is helpful," Spencer reassured her. "Do you know what time I would've gotten home afterwards?"

"You and Hanna left after the meet to grab some coffee to fulfill your caffeine fix, so my guess would be around six maybe?"

Spencer nodded once more. "And my accident happened an hour later, which means I either didn't go home, or I most likely left again to go out. Did we, or Hanna or Aria and I have plans that night?"

Emily shook her head. "After you left the meet I didn't hear from you."

"So where was I going?" Spencer mumbled, mostly to herself. She glanced over to Emily, preparing to thank her when she noticed that she was wearing her warm up gear for swim. "Did you have a meet today?" Spencer asked her.

"Nah, just practice," Emily replied. "I cut out a few minutes early to come get you."

"Em," Spencer replied softly, instantly feeling guilty for interrupting her friend's swimming schedule. "I don't want you skipping out and dropping plans because of me."

"It was no big deal," Emily replied, waving her hand to silence Spencer's protests. "It was only a few minutes, and besides, Jason has to work late tonight, so I volunteered to come get you today. It's really nothing, Spence; I like being able to be here for you for once. It's usually the other way around."

Spencer smiled at her friend, truly grateful to have someone like Emily in her life. "How is our swim team this year?" Spencer asked softly, lightening the mood.

Emily grinned. "Undefeated," she replied. "See, so cutting out a few minutes early won't kill the team."

Spencer laughed. "Well, your next swim meet I'll try to stop being such a terrible friend and come."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Spence, you're recovering from an accident; you not attending a few of my swim meets is not the most important thing here."

"I know, but swimming is important to you, so it's important to me, and I like to be there to support you," Spencer replied. "Besides, who else is going to aggressively yell at the opposing schools' teams?"

Emily laughed, the first wholehearted laugh she's had with Spencer in a long time. "There's the Spencer Hastings we all know in love."

* * *

Half hour later, after stopping for some much needed coffee, Spencer waved goodbye to Emily, promising to call her if she had any more questions (or if she really just wanted to hang out), and headed inside her house. She headed straight towards her fridge, realizing from the sound of her stomach grumbling that she hadn't eaten anything all day. She had just enough time to realize her fridge lacked any food she particularly wanted, settle on a green apple and close the refrigerator door before her father walked through her door, home from work.

"Oh, hello Spencer," Peter Hastings said as he walked into his kitchen, placing his brief case down on the counter momentarily to remove his suit jacket. "I didn't expect you to be home."

Instantly, the new information Spencer learned earlier came back to her, and she found herself aggravated with her family for not telling her any of it. "Where else would I be?" Spencer asked, her voice cool.

Mr. Hastings shrugged. "I just haven't seen much of you in the past few days that's all. How are your…doctor appointments going?" he asked, struggling to talk about what his daughter was doing seeing a doctor.

"Fine," Spencer replied. "We actually are trying a new method that could possibly help with my memory loss. "

"Oh yeah? And what's the method?" Peter asked curiously.

"By going over everything that happened on the night of my accident. Dr. Curatio thinks that by finding out what happened the night, it might helped jog my memory. Sounds like a good idea, right?"

Peter shrugged once more. "I guess so, but I'm not a doctor am I? Just try not to get your hopes up, honey, that's all; your _medical _doctor believes it could be a long, long time before your memory comes back."

Spencer resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She knew what her father thought of Dr. Curatio; that he didn't count as a real doctor and that he wasn't happy Spencer was seeing him. He didn't believe in Dr. Curatio's field of specialty, and if it were up to him, Spencer wouldn't be seeing him at all. Spencer opened her mouth to defend her doctor, but decided against it last minute; Spencer knew where she got her stubbornness after all. "Dad, why have we not talked about the night of my accident?" Spencer asked him instead.

"Hmm? Oh I don't know; I just didn't want to upset you by reminding you of the details of that night, that's all. "

"Are you sure it's because you didn't want to remind me of the details, or does it have something to do with you not wanting to tell me about our argument that day?"

Peter, who had been mindlessly flipping through that day's newspaper, glanced up at Spencer for the first time that evening. "How'd you find out about that fight?" he asked her.

"Does it matter?" Spencer asked, leaning against her kitchen counter, placing her apple down as she crossed her arms. "What were we fighting about?"

"It was nothing, honey, honestly. You and your sister had an argument that morning, and I stepped in to cool down the situation, that's all," Mr. Hastings replied dismissively.

"Dad, I saw the accident report; I know from the way I was driving, it seems like I was angry, and if right now the only signs that point to my anger that day is the fight I got into with you guys. What aren't you telling me?"

Peter sighed, closing his newspaper as he realized what he finally had to tell his daughter. "I didn't want you going out that night, and your mother told you so, but when she did, you got angry and stormed out."

"Where was I going that you so badly didn't want me to go?" Spencer asked him, her face softening slightly at the guilt that her father's voice carried.

"Toby's," Mr. Hastings mumbled almost too low for Spencer to hear.

"I was on my way to Toby's when I got into my accident?" Spencer repeated.

Peter Hastings nodded. "When your mother told you we didn't want you going, you stormed out to presumably ignore our request and head over anyways."

Spencer glanced down at the styrofoam coffee cup she now held in her hands, twirling it around gently. The moments presumably leading up to her accident she spent on her way to see Toby, or worse with him.

_Was he with her when she had her accident?_

The thought felt entirely wrong as it crossed Spencer's mind. A few weeks ago, she wouldn't have had any second thoughts on the notion; she would have even looked into seeing if Toby Cavanaugh himself _caused_ her accident, looking to kill her like he did with Alison. But knowing what she did now, knowing of her relationship with Toby-the idea seemed absurd. There was no denying it any longer that if there's one thing Toby would never do it's hurt Spencer on purpose.

"Spencer? Is everything okay?" Her father asked, glancing up from his newspaper once more.

Spencer nodded. "Yeah I'm fine, there's just a few things I have to take care of," she replied before grabbing her coat from the chair it was resting off and heading outside before her father could protest.

Once outside, Spencer pulled out her phone and dialed Toby's number. "Hey listen, uh is there any way you can come pick me up?" asked Spencer when she heard the phone pick up on the other line, not waiting for Toby to greet her. "I have a few questions about my accident that apparently only you can answer."

It was a moment before the other line replied. "I'll be there in five," Toby finally answered with a soft sigh.

* * *

Toby pulled up to the Hastings residents a few minutes later to find Spencer sitting on her porch steps, momentarily lost in her own thoughts as she gazed up at the starry night above her. Toby got out of his truck, clearing his throat as he approached her. He hadn't seen her since the afternoon he found her hugging Wren; every time he attempted to pick up the phone to call her, to check on her, the image of her with Wren floated back into his mind once more and the familiar feeling of his chest tightening returned and became too much for him to go through with seeing her. Instead, he spent the last week settling for updates from Jason and Emily, telling him what he dreaded hearing every day: there was no progress with Spencer's memory.

But seeing her now, he felt his chest tighten with the same feeling as before, but it wasn't out of heartbreak but rather butterflies at seeing the girl he loved once again.

"Hi," he said softly.

"Hey there," Spencer replied quietly. "Do you think we can go for a drive?"

Toby nodded. "C'mon," he replied, motioning for her to follow him. Spencer walked with him to his truck, silently getting in. They rode in silence for a few minutes as Toby settled for aimlessly driving around. He didn't want to push her, but he knew Spencer had questions, questions she surely had no way to bring up. "You wanted to talk…about your accident," Toby started for her after another moment of silence.

Spencer nodded, closing her eyes. "From what I know of that day is I started my morning with a fight with my sister and my parents, and then came school and a swim meet. But besides my father telling me I stormed out after they told me I couldn't see you, the hours of six to my accident, nobody has any clue where I was or where I was going."

"Except me," Toby softly said when she stopped.

"So I was on my way to see you?"

Toby nodded before pulling into a deserted parking lot closest to them. He shut his car off and took a deep breath before continuing with what he had to tell Spencer. "The night of your accident I…shit," Toby mumbled before taking yet another deep breath. "You were on the phone with me when you crashed."

Instantly, the night of Spencer's crash came rushing back to Toby.

_He heard her scream into the phone, the distant sound of her car breaking hard as her tires screeched across the pavement. "Spencer?" he called into the phone, immediately alarmed. She didn't respond, and it wasn't long before the only sounds he could hear were the sounds of glass smashing and static as Spencer's phone fell from her grasp. "Spencer? SPENCER?" he screamed louder into the phone frantically, panicking as his mind could only imagine the worse._

_When it became obvious something bad had happened, something really bad, Toby dropped his cell phone, not ready to hang up on Spencer just in case, but knowing he had to do something, and moved to grab the home phone in his loft. He dialed 911 immediately, and though he didn't know exactly where Spencer's likely to be car accident happened, he knew her short route she took to get to his loft, and anxiously explained it to the police._

_He felt his chest tighten and his stomach sink as a terrible feeling washed over him. He could only imagine the worse, that something horrible had happened to Spencer and instantly the room began to spin and though it's been years since his last one, Toby felt a panic attack, one of the worse one's he's had since learning his own mother died, set in. __**No, no, no,**__ was all that was racing through his mind as he grabbed his wall for support because the thought of anything happened to the only girl he's ever loved besides his own mother was too much for him to bear. _

_**No, no, no, anybody but Spencer**__. It kept racing through his mind as he fought through the sinking feeling washing over him to grab his keys off his counter and head down the stairs of his loft to his truck. It was reckless, and he definitely was in no shape to drive, but Spencer was hurt somewhere, and she needed him-not a rational thought in mind could have stopped him from going to her._

_It was a mere three minutes from his loft when he saw blue flashing lights and road blocks blocking off entrance to the road. He shut his truck off and instinctively ran towards the scene of the accident, his heart racing and his thoughts in a frenzy as he noticed Spencer's car upside down and crushed on the side of the road._

"_Sir, sir, we can't let you past," a cop said to him, standing in his way, gently but firmly restraining him from continuing any further, but his voice sounded miles away as the only thought on his mind was seeing Spencer, seeing she was okay, breathing, __**alive**__._

_When it became apparent that the now three cops standing in front of Toby weren't going to let him past, he finally focused on them. "You have to let me by, please; that's my girlfriend's car," he begged the men, continuously trying to push back._

"_Sir, I'm sorry but we can't have you entering the scene of the accident," one of the policemen in front of him responded._

"_I have to know if she's okay I have to-" he stopped as he noticed a group of EMTs hastily pushing a stretcher with a figure that even far away Toby could make out to be an unconscious Spencer. "Spencer!" he screamed instinctively, attempting to push by the wall of men in front of him even harder. "That's her-you have to let me see her-Spencer!" he screamed, half at the men, half into the night. _

_He doesn't remember much after that, other than the three officers grabbing him in an attempt to calm him down from his hysterical state. He doesn't remember getting to the hospital, other than in the back of a police cruiser with two of the police that felt enough sympathy for him to bring him there. He does remember, however, the antagonizing hours he spent in the waiting room with Spencer's family and friends, waiting for a confirmation that Spencer was okay. Melissa's begs to know that her sister was going to be alright went unanswered, Jason's demands to know what was happening ignored, and Spencer's friends attempts to comfort not only each other, but a silent Toby as well continued on for hours until a doctor finally came out to a waiting room of people waiting for Spencer Hastings, only to tell them that Spencer was alive and breathing, but her injuries so severe, she was in a coma with no definite promised she'd be okay._

"I love you too," Toby uttered as he pulled himself from his memories that night. "'I love you too' was the last thing I said to you before your accident." He turned to Spencer, tears forming at the brim of his eyes. "You were three minutes from my loft, Spence, _three minutes_. Three minutes from safety, three minutes away from being okay." Spencer didn't speak, but instead felt her own eyes begin to water at the sight of a broken Toby beside her. "I shouldn't have let you keep driving," Toby continued. "I knew you were worked up and angry, and I know how you get when you're driving angrily. Goddammit!" he exclaimed, smacking the steering wheel with both of his hands and enough force to cause Spencer to jump slightly. "I should've persuaded you to pull over, to stop driving until you were calm enough. I should've done more to prevent this from happening."

To the surprise of both Toby and herself, Spencer reached across the truck to gently grab ahold of Toby's hand. She stayed silent for a moment as she felt the tension in Toby's body slowly fade until the only movement was the feeling of his hand squeezing hers back. "Toby, listen to me," Spencer finally said softly. "This-my accident-it wasn't your fault. It's far from your fault. If anything, I should've known better than to be driving the way I was in the rain. My accident was caused by my own reckless driving-nothing else; do you understand?" Both of them were silent for a moment, their attempts at regaining their composer futile. Spencer's hand subconsciously moved to gently rub the silver key still on a chain around her neck from comfort. Toby watched her do so in shock at the sight of her still wearing the key. "What? What is it?" Spencer asked as she noticed Toby staring at her in awe.

Toby opened his mouth to respond, to tell her about the key but decided against it. "Nothing," he replied, forcing himself to look away. "Come on, I should probably get you home before-"

"Can you take me to where my accident happened?" Spencer asked suddenly cutting him off.

"You want to go see where you accident took place?" Toby asked her, shocked.

Spencer nodded as she shrugged. "I need to see where it happened, Toby," she replied softly. "Maybe it'll help me remember, maybe not, but I need to see it."

Toby bit his lip, debating on if he should take her there or not-if he was even ready to go back to the street he hadn't returned to himself since then-before sighing. "Okay," he answered her quietly, starting his truck.

They arrived at the scene of the accident ten minutes later. Toby pulled off to the side of the road opposite to where Spencer's car had ended up, and as he shut the truck off, Spencer hopped out. Taking another deep breath, Toby followed her out of the car. He stopped for a moment as he watched Spencer cautiously cross the street, heading towards where the dead and ripped up area of grass had obviously been the sight for her crashed car. He closed his eyes, attempting to push away thoughts of that night. He hadn't been as terrified, as numb as he had been that night before, and it's a feeling he hopes to never feel again.

After a moment of regaining his composer, Toby walked towards where Spencer was no standing. He approached her cautiously before realizing that her eyes were glued to the ground, her hand shaking as it covered her mouth. Standing next to her, he looked down only to realize what Spencer was staring at: the grass around where her car had landed was crushed and dead. Tiny shards of glass still blended in with the grass, and despite the accident happening weeks ago, if he looked hard enough-like he sure Spencer was-he could still make out tiny specs of dried up blood-undoubtedly Spencer's-stained on the grass.

"Spence?" he said softly, reaching up gently to place a hand on her shoulder, realizing then the tears that were silently streaming down Spencer's face. She turned to him silently, and it is then that Toby noticed the broken look on Spencer's face, the terrified and lost look he's never seen on Spencer's face before the accident; the helpless look that causes his stomach to knot up in pain.

Doing the only thing he instinctively knows to do, Toby gently wrapped his arms around Spencer, pulling her close to him. For once, she didn't resist, but rather fell into his chest, allowing herself to come undone for the first time since her accident. He gently cradled her head, even placing a soft kiss on the top her of her head as Spencer sobbed into his chest, wishing desperately that he could somehow, someway, make all her pain vanish and bring back the fight, the strength in Spencer that's been missing for far too long.

* * *

**Don't forget to review!**


End file.
